search: tsukkiyama

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/Featuring lyrics from "Cigarette Daydreams" by Cage the Elephant"./

Did you stand there all alone?

Tsukishima can barely believe that he is awake. That he isn't dreaming... Or more accurately, he can't believe that this ISN'T a nightmare...

Yamaguchi is walking with another man.

Yamaguchi is walling AND talking with another man.

Yamaguchi is holding another man's hand.

Yamaguchi, his boyfriend, is cheating on him.

Or so Tsukishima thinks.

There is a part of him that desperately clings to the idea of him calling Yamaguchi... Of him calling Yamaguchi, and hearing a perfect explanation for his actions.

Tsukishima finds himself calling Yamaguchi... With a shaking index finger connecting with his phone screen... With a shaking index finger touching the icon that says, Tadashi. Immediately after Yamaguchi answers his phone, Tsukishima asks THE question. He asks THE question. before he loses what little courage he had mustered.

"Oh... I cannot explain what's going down." Leave it to Yamaguchi to be honest... To ALWAYS be honest, even if it will hurt someone's feelings... Even if it will ruin friendships... Even if it will ruin relationships.

~~~

I can see you standing next to me

With a container of cookie dough ice cream in hand, Tsukishima lets his mind focus on Yamaguchi. He let's himself recall memories of him... Let's himself recall memories of his freckled covered lover... Of his kind lover... Of his beautiful lover...

I can see it clear as day

Tsukishima can recall the color of Yamaguchi's eyes... Of his hair.... As easily as he can his own.

He can recall many things about Yamaguchi... After all, love has made him memorize Yamaguchi's appearance, his likes, his dislikes, his fears, his dreams....

Close your eyes, so afraid

The memories do more harm, than good. Upon recalling the good times, he can't help but wonder if Yamaguchi had secrets back then...

If Yamaguchi had cheated on him back then...

You can drive all night

After consuming a large amount of ice cream, and giving himself a stomachache, Tsukishima decides to go for a drive... He hopes that the act of focusing on something... The act of focusing on something important, such as driving safely, will calm him down.

Or better yet, temporarily distract him from all of his Yamaguchi centered thinking.

Looking for the answers in the pouring rain

A few minutes into his drive, it pours. It's almost as though the sky is weeping... It's almost as though as the sky is as sad as him...

Tsukishima lost a friend...

Tsukishima lost a friend AND a lover.

You wanna find peace of mind

"Did I do something wrong?" Tsukishima asks the road before him, "Did I fail to do something that I should have done? Am I too ugly for him? Or did he come to find me boring? Why in the world would he cheat on me? Why? WHY?" As he speaks, he bangs his fists off the steering wheel.

Looking for the answer

The road offers him no answers.

You can drive all night

Looking for the answers in the pouring rain

His brain offers him no answers.

You wanna find peace of mind

Looking for the answer

/ayyyy the new search: book is here! I hope you enjoy it~/