Broken and Bruised (One Direction Fan Fic)

Tear Drops

•Jordan's POV•

Tears continue to leak down my cheeks as wave after wave of guilt washes through me. I could of taken him with me. He could still be alive but no, I had to be so fucking selfish and just think about myself.

Memory after memory hit me deep in my heart. Every joke, every story, every secret that we shared, flashes in my head.

Screwing my eyes shut and covering my mouth with my hand, I curl up into a tight ball. I never came to his funeral. I wasn't there for his family. I wasn't even in the same fucking city. I was absent in his time of need. I wasn't here for Gabriel. I wasn't here.

Pressing my knuckles to my eyes, I attempt to wipe away the salty tears that are falling from my tear ducts. Sobs rack through my body, it trembles as an icy wind whips my hair in all directions.

The pounding of approaching thunder echoes in my ears as the dark sky lights up from the electricity charging through the angry clouds.

I love thunderstorms. They are so frightening and intimidating.

The thunder continues to rumble across the sky.

"I'M SORRY GABRIEL!!!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!" I scream. The wind and the thunder drown out my pitiful screams. My desperate, sad screams. The pitter patter of rain bounces of the leaves. The cold water drips down my back and soaks my hair. My clothing is now doing nothing to keep me warm.

The rain begins to mix with the tears that are streaming down my face. The warm and cold liquid combine and slip down my frozen skin. My teeth start to chatter and my cries begin to stop. The tears continue to fall but my cries are silent. Just like my voice.


The rain continues to hammer against my skin and chill me right to the bone. My hands rub up and down my arms in an attempt to bring warmth to myself again. More claps of thunder boom over me. The electricity stinks in the air, filling my nostrils. The smoking scent brings me to my feet.


Once again I fall to my knees, my desperate screams and cries surround my lonely self. The wind picks up again, and knots my hair even more. A brown tangled mess flows out behind me when the wind suddenly changes direction.

"Jordan??" A familiar voice whispers.

"Gabriel??" I whisper back. This is too good to be true.

"Jordan what are you doing with your life??" He asks.

"Gabriel I have no idea. I'm lost. I'm confused. Gabriel I need help.." I cry.

"Jordan you have five special boys trying to help you, yet you push them away." Gabriel starts. This has got to be a dream. A mirage. A figment of my imagination. I must be going insane.

"Gabriel!! I miss you!! I'm sorry!!" I scream, tears flowing down my cheek bones.

"I know Jordan, I know. You need to wake up!! You need start accepting the help that is being offered. You need to let people in." He finishes. And how he appeared, I have no idea but what I know is that he's looking over me. He's my guardian angel.

Just like how quickly he appeared, he's now gone. Gone with the wind.


•~•~•

"Tweet, tweet, tweet," A bird happily chirps from one of the many trees above me.
Looking up, a blackbird sings to his mate in a nearby tree. So peaceful.


This is what I loathe about the world, everything can be so chaotic and out of control but then it can change and become so peaceful and tranquil. I just don't understand how the world can do that. It's like someone who is bipolar. Mad and angry one minute and the next so calm and collected.

Getting to my feet, my wet clothes stick to my freezing body. Even though the rain has gone, the icy wind still makes my teeth chatter. Picking up my bag, it feels even heavier than it usually is. Water droplets drip from the bottom of my bag. It puddles at my feet and now I know my laptop ain't gonna work anymore. Oh well, I hardly use it anymore anyway.

"Jordan?" Liam's deep voice floats towards me.

"Yeah?" I ask nasally. I cough and splutter before he speaks again.

"Come on. Let's go back to the bus. I'll give ya some stuff to make you feel better and you can sleep." Liam offers.
I nod and start to walk towards him.
"Maybe we can get some more hair dye as well." He says with a smirk. A panicked look flashes across my face as Liam holds out a mirror for me to take.

"Is this Zayn's?" I ask with a smile which soon disappears when I see my reflection.
Red blotches cover my face. My eyes are swollen and bloodshot. Dark circles and bags hang under my eyes. My hair is starting to go blonde at the roots and it's greasy, wet and tangled- not a great combination. Leaves and twigs point out in different directions. I look tired, exhausted and I'm way beyond the point of caring.

"Come on then." I croak out as Liam wraps an arm around my frozen body. I don't want to get recognized by anyone if I can help it. It would do me a great favour if I just stay in hiding.

Guiding me to the familiar supermarket, I take the lead and find the hair dye. Taking the exact colour I need off the shelf, I head towards the cash register. Putting the small box on the counter, the checkout boy scans my only item. Asking for the exact amount of money, Liam hands him £30. Hair dye is so god damned expensive.


~*~*~*

Okay that should do it. I make a mental note to dry my hair out. It's been awhile since I've dyed my hair and it's weird to have the coldness of the dye on my scalp.

"Hey! You put in more colour!!" Niall exclaims as he walks past the hotel bathroom. I'm under strict orders to keep the door open or unlocked if I'm brushing my teeth or washing my hands. It's not like I'm gonna do anything, right??

"Yeah, my blonde was starting to peak through. Don't wanna be recognized." I explain with a shrug as I brush through my hair. Flicking on the switch, the hair dryer starts up making a loud humming noise. It tangles my hair again, but I continue to comb out the tangles.

'I think I'm loosing my sanity,' My annoying subconscious whispers.
Yeah that'll be about right. I've been loosing my sanity since day one.

Flicking the switch off and fluffing my hair a little, I stroll towards the source of noise.

Five insane boys bound around the lounge laughing and screaming. Louis screams 'tag' when he touches Liam's shoulder. Each boy changes the direction that they are running in to avoid being 'tagged' by Liam. Thudding feet approach me in the doorway but I am too consumed in my thoughts to notice who it is. I haven't told anyone about my vision of seeing Gabriel. It's so private and personal I have to keep it to myself.



"Where are the girls?" I ask, finally finding my voice even though it croaks out.

"Shopping," Niall explains and I instantly understand. The girls all hate me. I saw that Danielle has also joined in 'our' adventure of touring England. Nothing will beat walking from town to town though. You fully apreciate your surroundings and it's so peaceful and quite. You can hear yourself think and nothing can bother you.

"Oh." Is all I can manage to say. I need some new clothes and shoes. I'll just go tomorrow by myself. Liam approaches me and leads me to the small kitchen. A cup of black coffee sits steaming on the counter. I pounce on it and encourage the warmth filling me from within. The hot cup warms up my cold hands and I start to feel a little bit human again. Of course I don't look like one, I still look like a zombie of course.

"Harry is cooking a meal for us tonight. Will you join us?" I can't remember the last time I had a proper meal. Probably when I was still living with my Mother.

"I guess. I just hope he doesn't poison my portion." And with that I exit the tiny kitchen to return to my room.