Memory

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Sometimes the pain makes me feel alive
And anything is better than feeling numb
But when I'm flushed with sadness
And the pain is overwhelming
I can't breathe
I can't do anything about it

But the thing is
You see
That sometimes i yearn for the pain
As it's the only memory of us
Of who i thought of us to be
And how it turned out oh so wrong

I keep doing this to myself
And i cherish the pain i feel
All the hurt and angst
For it reminds me of you
And it is the only way to remember.

No matter how much i beat myself up over this
I still wonder
If i still hold on to the illusion
The same bittersweet illusion of us
Will it come true and will i finally be free
Will i finally stop the hurt
Will i move on
Or will i fall into the abyss of sweet nothingness...?

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