I was fucked from the very start.
Please tell me how can you be proud of someone you put in the dark.
It's like you grabbed the wrong item and put it in your shopping cart.
You didn't know what you were doing and never knew how i felt.
Maybe this is why I never ask for help.
You messed with my head telling me I'm not me without medication.
That I wouldn't be smart like everyone else when it came to education.
Everything you made me believe was right was really wrong.
So don't ask why I really wrote this song.
You claim yourself to be my mother.
And to the naked eye everything was fine like you didn't make me suffer.
But behind closed doors everything went black.
I kept thinking why can't this end with a simple heart attack.
You told me to keep my feelings locked away and inside.
Because you told me i wouldn't be considered normal so all I could do was hide.
So don't be surprised if this is our last goodbye. I did what any normal person would do and I turned to drugs.
I was hoping to overdose just so I could pull the plug.
It wasn't until then that I learned what you were doing was never love.
So I started taking it out on myself watching the dripping blood.
You told me you loved me and always did what was best for me.
But who tells a ten year old without drugs you'll never be anything not even two lungs to breathe.
Do u know what it feels like to be punished for being yourself?
So when I make it to the top I won't be thinking about you I'll be thinking of myself.
When u found out you put me on more meds because I was depressed.
You couldn't understand how i could be so selfish when I've been so blessed.
You always told me any child would kill to be in my place.
You told me I was nothing and how your time with me was a complete waste.
I always said to myself nah this can't be it.
Soon i went with the wrong crowd
I had nothing to lose you were never proud
So I started smoking on that loud.
School started to become less of a priority
And the only ones who accepted me were the minorities.
I started turning to the liquor at age 16
I would always end up crying asking why is this happening to me?
I then saw this world in a whole new way
You shut the door in my face with disappointment and dismay.
You said I was mental
That I was dead from the start because I didn't understand the fundamentals.
So u forced me to go see a therapist
And I saw myself in the mirror covered in blood putting my life at risk
And all you had to say about it was tisk tisk
I finally got the freedom i needed which was a car.
I never came home and I loved it even though to you it was hard.
I saw the light in the dark.
Thinking this is a good start.
But then I started dating this guy.
And everything felt so right.
Until it all went dark again one night.
I was being thrown across the room.
And it looked like my future was doomed.
So I told you I was getting abused hoping you'd understand
But all you could say is I deserved it and how you couldn't wait to bury me in the sand.
Years pass by and things start to get back on track
You moved to Maine so I had everything I needed no stress no black
But then you told me Maine is nice
Mentally you were ready to attack me from behind with a knife.
You persuaded me to leave home
It seemed so peaceful so I wanted to go.
But when I got to Maine all the negativity began
So I would sit in my own blood flowing through my hands.
I decided to make a drastic change
Hoping I could live my life without the pain.
I went into the marine corps.
It's like I had to beg for acceptance with my knees on the floor.
I was looking for approval but all I got was another slammed door.
So I didn't graduate even though I tried so hard.
But all you could say was i know what you're doing and I refuse to give you the sympathy card.
A couple days later I receive letters from everyone
But then they says well that was a short run.
At this very moment everyone connected to you for sure I was done.
I thought my life was over as if nothing had changed
But then I met an amazing person as if my future had been arranged.
He took all the poison and all the pain
I finally felt like I've been saved
We wrote letters and even went to see each other in heaven.
Were compatible even though our age is different by years of seven.
He lives in Michigan and I in Maine
But I was willing to make it work because he got rid of all the pain.
I left Maine and went to go see him and everything was perfect and couldn't wait to pack
So I moved to Michigan and never went back to my old life of black.
But then I met mama Rey and that's when things really get good.
She was so positive someone I could look up to like a daughter should.
I felt like I finally found what I was looking for
Like I could finally stop looking for acceptance with my knees on the floor.
I finally had a mother daughter bond
It's like my dream came true with a magic wand
I no longer was hurt or upset
With her there was no poison no black no threats
She's the mama I needed because she is so nice
As long as I have her I will forever say she saved my life.
In the little time I've know her I shed these tears
Because she is more of a mom to me then the one I had for 27 years.
She makes me believe I can do anything with no fear.
Because of her my future is bright
I can finally sleep at night.
She listens to me and takes away all the drama
And that is why I call her my mama.
I am eternally grateful to have my mama rey
And now I have nothing more to say.
