You All Have Guns|| Joshler

Chapter 1

Tyler's pov:
The voices started two years ago. At first it was just little things. Things like "God I hate this place." or "I can't wait to go home." I was pretty good at telling them apart from my own thoughts. Then they started to mix. And I couldn't tell fact from fiction. I was a walking disaster. Still am I guess.

I go to school every day and hear things like "Ew there's that weird kid Tyler" inside my head and out. I never say anything. It wouldn't make a difference. I deserve it I guess. It's my fault for turning Jenna down.

A year ago, Jenna, the most popular girl in the school, asked me to go to homecoming with her. I said yes initially and asked her to go to dinner with me first so we would have some familiarity with each other a week before the dance. I told her that I made music and she was really nice. I wasn't really attracted to her like that, but she was really sweet to me, and the only friend I'd had since the voices started.

So I pretended. And it was fine for a while. Then she kissed me. I didn't know how to react. I'd never been kissed before, but this felt wrong. Like I was kissing my cousin. Like it was dirty. I didn't like it, so I pushed her away. She got mad and left.

Before that night, I had never questioned my sexuality. It was something that was on a set path. I was supposed to get a job, get a wife, have kids. Sure, I'd had thoughts like "God he looks good today," but I had never really thought about it.

That night I couldn't sleep because the thoughts wouldn't stop. Maybe I'm gay. Oh god. Oh god. What will Jenna think? What about my parents. No. No. Nononononono.

The next day I told Jenna that I couldn't go to homecoming with her as more than friends. She asked me why and she was so hurt I couldn't lie to her. "I-. I think I'm...gay..." She got so pissed off. "Gay?! How could you be gay?!?"

She told everyone and now everyone knows. The voices whisper things like "Ew look the faggot" both inside and outside my head.

So I guess I deserve the abuse. It's my fault everyone hates me.