Letting Go [EXO FANFIC FOR D.O.] (discontinued)

Chapter 6: Different

Something about her fascinated me. Maybe it was the way she talked; I liked the way she talked. It was as if she had everything and nothing to say and she wanted to tell you it all. It was nice. But I think it was the way I've always wanted someone to notice, someone to see, and she saw. She knew, she noticed, she could see something I couldn't and I knew that's what it was. She fascinates me because she could always find what no one else could. A side of me that I hide from the outside world, a piece of me deep within my heart that I didn't want to touch, let alone awaken, and yet she could clearly see through me right into my core and it broke my concentration. It weakened me and made me want to confess to it all and that's probably why I figured maybe I shouldn't be near this girl because she could see it. But I took that risk because it was something I've always desperately wanted, what I yearned for, a living being to notice me and my thoughts without me having to say it out loud, and there she was, Lee Hwa Min, and she was the person I've been looking for. Looking for to look for me. She could see me, and that's all that mattered and it made me want to break apart and tear down all my bridges. It ripped apart my resolve to stay strong and so, around her, I wanted to finally, finally, let free something. That's what it was; all it ever was.

"Why do you think that?" I asked her. I gulped. This was it. The feeling that I got every time this girl goddamn opened her mouth. The part of me that wanted to start crying, of all things.

She shrugged. "I could see it."

I choked on my own spit and began coughing. She looked at me in surprise. "Do you," I coughed again. "Want to go and sit somewhere?" I couldn't help it. I needed to. It's been months with no one but me and Baekhyun and I needed to.

Without a word she nodded and let me follow her into a cafe. We sat down at a table in the far corner of the room and I could tell that she could tell that I desperately had to talk. I buried my head in my hands. 

I've lived in this city for months and never told a soul. Because I was me, I was alone, and I always thought that was enough. That if I was strong enough to survive with just me and my sole companion, then I could make it and start anew. But I was wrong, very very wrong, and here was the one person who could hear me out.

"Where are you from?" She asked simply. I breathed in. Out.

"Not from here. From far."

She nodded and waited a few seconds, then leaned forward, chin on her arms, which were loosely folded on the table. Min whispered, "Why don't you just tell me?"

I breathed in.

Out.

And I failed to hold back my own tears.

"Shit." I couldn't do it. I had to but I couldn't and that hurt me more than it should've. 

"You can't yet, can you?" She asked. I couldn't help it, a laugh escaped me. Me, who was sobbing in the middle of a cafe like a madman. I shook my head.

And she let me cry.

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The more I fought back salty tears, the more I tasted them on my lips. I hiccuped once or twice. She stayed in that position for a whole hour, her head behind her crossed arms on the table and she watched me; correction: watched over me. It was in her expression.

My eyes stung, I rubbed my nape and mussed my hair and I hid my face in my hands. It was a crushing weight over my shoulders and, try as I might, I couldn't lift it.

So instead, I cried.

 When I finally "calmed down", I rested my head on the cool tabletop and she bought me tea.