tongue of the serpent ➵ a.b.

Chapter 33: Uniforitarianism

September 14
I need to tell Lethia something. I can't even write it down. It's so unbearable that I can barely breathe.

I straightened myself against the bathroom walls. Was I going to be in so much trouble. But I just had to read his journal once more. It was like a drug.

September 15
Lethia read my journal? How could the sweet, precious gem do this to me? Has she ever heard of thoughts being private to one's being? I don't understand the logic behind this. She's not the type of person to go snooping for secrets - for I'm sure she has secrets of her own. I just wonder if she'll ever read it again. Maybe. So, as of now, I'm going to continue it. And if she continues to read, be my fucking guest.

On another note, I don't understand my feelings. When I found out she read it, I wanted to...hurt her. I mean, I don't want to hurt her! It's just a weird, unknown feeling I posses. Maybe Juliet's constant violence towards me changed the way I look at love - or maybe even to Lethia herself.

September 16
I might have to take the last entry by heart. Even sex with Lethia makes me want to hurt her - but in a pleasurable way for both me and her. Am I a sadist? A dominant, yes. Even with Juliet I was above her body in many situations. But inflicting pain on another for my own pleasure? Is it sick? Is it mad? Is it inhumane? Regardless, Lethia seemed to be happy afterwords - and I just sorta realized: I took her virginity.

September 17
Sex again! Ugh, it sure is great! I hope she's fine with the role of a submissive. Then again, she seems happier anyways!

I giggled at the strange sexual remarks. I smiled brightly to myself. Yes, Andy, I was happy with sex.

September 20
Cadell seems to be stressing Lethia out. Though it's none of my business, Lethia has told me of stories when Cadell and her were together. She says he left her when he realized he "couldn't take care of her" after her diagnosis of bipolar disorder. People like that make me sick.

September 23
You should have fucking seen the people! They were lined up outside the hotel, screaming Lethia's name. They didn't even pay attention to the other acts! Lethia and I are all over the newspapers and magazines. Stupid-ass titles with puns galore make us giggle at their unearthly remarks about our "daddy-daughter" relationship. It's only four years apart, I mean, c'mon guys!

Yet, Lethia started to scare me. In the car on the way to practice, she started to have a panic attack, texting Cadell at the same time. She's telling me the voices are getting to her. I don't understand. Maybe after the show is over, therapy might work. Actually, I might need some too. Just to get my mind set straight. I just hope she's open to it...

September 24...

This was the last entry. This was from...yesterday?

September 24
Juliet came back. Oh my God, me and Lethia were about to have sex, and then she knocked on my door. How did she even get my room number?! Seeing her, she let my inner rage come out, and I now think Lethia might be scared of me. Please, I don't want her to! If there is a God, taking in prayers at this very moment, answer mine! Make sure to tell Lethia that she is beautiful - and that I don't want to lose her. Never will I dream and wish for it...

I don't understand the logic behind me wanting to read his thoughts. I guess I just knew I had the access and knowing is better than contemplating.

Just then, I had a funny idea. Do you think Andy would agree to this?

I stand and open the bathroom door just a sliver, allowing a golden beam to dance across his chest. The clock said 8:37 A.M. The time was now.

I close the portal and head back to my spot against the tiled wall. I pulled the pen he kept in the spirals into my hand and I felt it. The rubber grip and the black ink. Ballpoint pen; 0.9 tip; bite marks on the clicker. No guessing how many times he's paused to think and gnawed down on the tasty plastic.