It's Still Kind Of Awkward

A letter to your future self {Prologue}

The sun light shone in the classroom the rays fading as gray clouds rolled in. The assignment was to write a letter to your future self. Jamie, being the very talented 12 year old she was loved the idea of the assignment- except for when she ACTUALLY had to do it.

Jamie slammed her head on her desk in utter frustration. Students being called over the PA system because of a severe tornado warning about an hour. Almost everyone was gone besides her teacher who was reading, four other students who were talking casually waiting to go home, and well uh Cyrus her best friend. To be honest Jamie wasn't sure if Cyrus wanted to be her friend anymore.

What happened between them was pretty bad, it was a common case of "We're best friends we can't date" kinda situation that may have been blown a bit out of proportion; but keep in mind they were seventh graders. Everything is like a Telenovela in seventh grade and when you look back on your seventh grade year that's why you kinda do this massive internal cringe because it was like you were on drugs or something.

"CYRUS SHINOA AND JAMIE MARBELLA PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT OFFICE YOU'RE CHECKING OUT"

Yeah despite all that Cyrus and Jamie still live remotely close to each other so their mothers alternate between picking them up. Cyrus walked past Jamie's desk and handed the teacher his letter and headed for the door. He was leaving without her. Jamie's heart pounded as she wrote down simple fragmented sentences on the page before pushing it on the teacher's desk.

Dear Future Jamie,

Get it together
You're in highschool now

Love,
Your younger self

Jamie grabbed her bookbag and walked alongside Cyrus. The tension around them could probably spark up a fire. Jamie couldn't hear her own thoughts at this point. The aching nausea and the thunder sounding of every five minutes, she felt like she was be being crushed. Jamie's described the feeling she felt in her chest "that cute little thing your heart does when its trying to jump out of your body and escape to hell"

Regardless of age if you've ever been in this situation you know it hurts. It was a crush, a stupid infatuation that could've never worked out. Why? Because when you have a crush you're the craziest human being alive. Imagining little cute scenarios in your head. Leading yourself on only leads to the worst heartbreak because you had all these hopes that they would like you back right?

You wished that if you were sad you could go over to their house and they'd hug you until you stop crying and when you feel a bit better stop at nothing to see you smile again right? That's what you wanted right?

"Do you hate me that much? You can't even talk to me anymore..." Jamie accidentally muttered outside as thy waited for the car to pull up. Cyrus looked at her abut looked away again. It was like a daily routine, when the car or a parent get close enough put on some smiles and endure the car ride. Its been almost 2 weeks, how they've kept up with it so long? Surprising. No one knows about what happened. No one will what happened- except for these two dirty little liars.

"Did you guys have a good day today?" Ms. Shinoa asked. "Yeah it was good, and yours?" Jamie buckled her seatbelt and slightly leaned forward having a small talk with Cyrus's mom. She asked them about school, were they excited about it almost ending? They replied with simple answers. She moved on to a daily question all parents ask.

"What did you guys do today?"

"Ignore each other, feel left out and lonely, made my myself trying to look happy and busy just like the past two weeks, nothing new" Jamie thought but ended up saying this instead:

"We did these letter to our future selves when we're in our freshman year of highschool, I had a bit of trouble with mine! I wanted to write something smart, some real advice but I couldn't think of any so I wrote something that I still believe to be good advice"
Ms.Shinoa laughed "Aw how cute! I can't wait till you guys grow up, all the fun you'll have when you're be coming an adult~! So many more freedoms than a child! although I guess its a double standard like how if you want to go to a theme park to have fun you have to pay for it because that's the adult part, also with going to parties and shopping...ah! Sorry got a little carried away there!" Ms. Shinoa laughed as the car slowed down to a stop at Jamie's house.

"Sweetie do you want us to walk you in? The rain is getting pretty rough" Ms. Shinoa asked. Jamie gave a polite no thank, saying that she didn't them to get soaked in rain just to walk her to the door. She hopped out the car without saying goodbye to Cyrus and sprinted towards the front door, taking out her key and unlocking the door and closing it behind her. The house was dark as a reminder went off in Jamie's head.

Mother is on a business trip and her Abuela (Spanish for Grandmother) wouldn't be back until 7:30 when she gets of work. Jamie took of her school blazer sank to the floor and had her face in her knees.

Don't be mistaken, when Jamie cries it means that it's been building up for awhile. Jamie didn't feel the need to cry and believed that some she was small however sometimes, life got a little too rough for her to handle. All this stuff with Cyrus, the stress to make her mother proud? That's pretty heavy for a child. Somehow she survived.

Her abuela always told her how Jamie reminded her of her father and based on no real evidence at all, Jamie's own father. Her abuela nor her mother had the heart to tell her the truth of her, figuring it was best that if she ever did meet him she wouldn't hate him for what he did.

"Jamie its time to brush yourself off now" the girl spoke with a cracking voice and sniffles. She wiped her eyes and stood up. Kicking off her shoes she ran upstairs to change into dry clothes unaware of the storm that started picking up in her own heart. She felt it, she just ignored the feeling.

The feeling of heartbreak.