Stand Alone

Wake Up

I woke up with bags under my eyes and my face was wet. It's been a month since he's passed. I turned onto my back looking into the mirror on my ceiling and seeing that Donovan was in bed with me. I turned towards him, his back was towards me, and I wrapped my arms around him. He turned towards me and held me. It's been the third morning I've been like this. couldn't help but cry and when I was finished crying, I'd cry again. All I heard was "Ryn, come on baby." He was trying to get me to eat, to get out of bed, to do anything. I didn't want to do anything anymore, I didn't want to get out of bed at all. I was fine the first week then everything really set in after the funeral. It's been a month now. "You're dad wouldn't want you to act like this Ryn." I still didn't move although, he was right, my dad would tell me to toughen up so I tried, I sat up in bed and asked Don to bring my food to me. It was a start. He'd cooked me breakfast. He walked back into the bedroom and placed the food on my lap. I couldn't decide what I was going to eat first, he made my favorite. Bacon, eggs, grits, sausage, and pancakes. It reminds me of my dad. He always used to make me breakfast when I was little girl, right before school. I keep thinking how I'll be able to bear the situation without him being here but I know my dad has given me enough strength forever more. I was supposed to start work again today but I called out again. I didn't know what to say or how to do anything anymore. But I decided that if I was going to get up and eat breakfast and I might as will go ahead and go to work. Donovan had to work today anyways and I didn't want to be in the house on my own. I called my boss and told him that I'd be coming in in about an hour. I worked at a coffee shop downtown. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was only 8:30, so I plan to get to the shop around 9:45. I slowly rolled out of bed and got ready to take my shower. I told Donovan that I was going to work and went ahead and got my work clothes out. Once I did that I went ahead and put my hair into a bun and put my shower cap on, then preceded to take my shower. After 30 minutes I got out of the shower and started getting dressed. I was finally ready. I had a long day ahead of me and I knew I needed to keep my head on straight. I kissed Donovan and told him that I'd be back later when I got off work. He told me to be safe and I assured him that I would and with that I was off.

"Good morning Lauryn, how have you been." My boss Jeff said to me with soft eyes. I was almost tired of the sympathy that people were giving me.

"I'm doing fine thanks Jeff." I said softly as I clocked in, and started helping people with orders.

"How is your family?" he was intruding my privacy...

"They're fine." I gave a short response without making eye contact.

"That's good, give them my condolences." he said. I ignored anything else he said after that. I wasn't in the mood for the conversation. A woman approached me reading my name tag. I was at work now, I had to act somewhat pleasant so I smiled at her.

"My name is Lauryn ma'am." I said softly.

"Hey Lauryn, could you just get a coffee cake and a cup of decaf coffee?" she said this as if she knew who I was. Like she'd known me for forever but I just ignored it. I'd gotten her her coffee and her cake, rang her up for her food, she paid and she left. She didn't leave without giving me a tip surprisingly, she gave me $10. $10 for getting her coffee and a piece of cake? I questioned it but I wasn't complaining. The shop usually dies down around 5 o'clock and since it was my first day back on schedule Jeff let me leave early, again, I wasn't complaining. I decided to stop by the store on the way home. I changed clothes when I got in my car and left to go to Walmart. I called Donovan to see if he cooked or picked anything up and he said he was waiting on me so I decided since I'm finally out of the bed I'd cook tonight. I thought maybe I'd cook a soul food dinner, the stuff I used to have at my grandmas house. Fried porkchops, mac and cheese, green beans, I just had a craving for mashed potatoes so I thought I'd make that too. I walked through the isles picking up everything I needed to make dinner and I saw the same woman I saw at the coffee shop. She smiled at me. She was weird, really weird. I don't even know how to explain it. I decided that I'd ignore it and keep moving. I got a gallon of ice cream and went to the checkout. After I paied for everything I packed my car up and decided to go ahead home.