Broken

| 21 | He knows

I walk into school and go straight to my locker, wasting no time to make sure I don't see them, but I'm too late. They stand at my locker looking like the perfect couple that should be featured on a magazine. She stands with him with her perfect blonde hair pulled into a high pony tail with a light blue crop top clinging to her upper half. Her legs wear leggings that make the whole outfit seem to fit together. No wonder he's with her and not me. She can wear that, and I can't.

I slowly walk up to my locker, praying they will go away before I get there, but Tyler meets his eyes with mine. The first time in days. He's been so busy looking at Barbie to even notice me for a second.

"Grace!" he exclaims happily, but I can't seem to match his excitement. I smile regardless of my own feelings to make him happy. It's better to see him happy with her than not see him happy at all.

I walk up to my locker, and I know I'm going to have to put on one heck of a show. For Tyler. I have to remind myself that it's for him.

"We haven't seen you in days. Where in the world have you been?" she asks me, and hearing her voice makes me feel my insides drop. Even her voice is pretty. Everything about this girl is gorgeous.

"Well, uh.. I've been really busy with school trying to get my grades up and all that. How have the two of you been?" I ask her and she smiles so widely that it makes me want to cry. They must be doing great. I can see that light in her eyes. Of course Tyler is the only one that could put a light like that in someone's life.

"He's amazing." she says, looking at him in the same way I do, but this time he's looking at her the way I always wanted him to look at me.

"Well that's great to hear." I say choking back the golfball in my throat.

I quickly put my things away and rush to my class. I can't take another minute of their relationship. It's perfect. The perfect guy and the perfect girl. It only makes sense that they're together. He's Tyler Smith and she's Emma Tailor. The two make a great match.  Grace Jackson and Tyler Smith never had a fighting chance in hell. It was all in my head.

~*~

I walk into the cafeteria, and my heart literally stops in my chest when I see Tyler and Emma sitting at our table. This is my only place away from them. My only place where I don't have to see them being everything I want to have.

Go away. Why don't you just go away?

I sit down at the table, and I want to scream. She's smiles at me. Does she even know that she's killing me inside? Does she know that it hurts like hell to see him be with someone else? Is this all a sick way of shoving it in my face? Who the hell knows anymore.

"Hey, Grace. You ok? You look a little pale?" he asks me, and for a moment I give him a look. A look I shouldn't give. A look that says a thousand words. No, I'm not ok. I'm no where near ok, and he used to be the person I could talk to about stuff, but now he's the last person I can speak too. He looks back at me more concerned than I've ever seen him, but I have to stop before his girlfriend sees. He has a girlfriend. I need to let it go. I need to let him go.

"I'm fine." I say trying to sound happy about the whole situation even though it hurts more than I ever thought it would. At this moment I pray that the aching feeling in my chest and stomach goes away. It feels like it's getting harder to breathe. My chest beginning to close up and my whole body becoming numb.

"Ok." he says, but he looks at me with sadness filling in his eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes not shining with his normal humor about life. I suppose that look is there because before he was with Emma, I would tell him if something is wrong. Now things are different. Time has passed where we don't act the same.

"I um.. I have to use the restroom." I say as I excuse myself from the table. It's getting to be too much. I feel like I'm on the brink of hyperventilating, so I need to get out of here. I need to distance myself from him. Him and his beautiful girlfriend that has everything I don't. The fact that he likes her and she does have everything I don't is what screws with my mind the most.

I am exactly what he doesn't want.

"I'm gonna go get us something to eat." I hear Tyler tell Emma, and I know what he's doing. He's going to follow me. He's going to try and solve the problem like he's been trying to do since the day I met him.

I rush out of the cafeteria, and I start down the long hallway to the bathrooms, but a hand grabs my shoulder and yanks me back, swinging me around. The pit of my stomach turns up That simple contact makes my whole body stand frozen.

"It's been a week." he tells me and I stay silent.

"A week of what, Tyler?" I ask him, trying to play it all off. We shouldn't even be talking. For me, it's like a punch in the gut every time he looks at me.

"A week with you being uncharacteristically quiet. You're not fine. Tell me what's wrong, Grace. I miss talking to you." he says to me with his whole face slumping and his smile fading.

"No you don't. You love talking to Emma. You barely have any time for me anymore, but that's fine."

"Is that what this is about? You're jealous of Emma?" he says to me, and my heart stops. I can't answer that. I shouldn't have even opened my dramatic mouth. No matter what I say, it'll hurt to either lie or tell the truth. Either way I lose.

"Grace, you're still my best friend. I'll always have time for you." I let out a small laugh even though I find none of this funny at all. This is what he thinks this about? Not having enough time for me? Come on! What the hell do I have to do to make him open his damn eyes for one second just to realize that I am in love with him?!

"Just stop, ok?" I tell him as I turn around to keep walking, but he runs up in front of me, blocking my way.

Leave it alone, damn it.

"Grace, what's going on? Why are you acting like this?" he asks me and our eyes meet and I feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again. I don't think you realize how much I am in love with this human being. I would have done anything to see that smile on his face, and I still would. I miss him. I miss him so damn much, but he doesn't even know that I love him. He's so incredibly stupid that he can't even open his eyes for a moment and see that this was never just a friendship to me. It was so much more than that.

It was full of fun and new love that I had never felt before, but turns out, he never felt the same way. It's enough to make someone want to disappear. Go away for awhile. Evaluate the decision and decide what the hell you need to do next because I don't know how much more of this I can take.

The stolen glances. The crazy friend dates. The new feelings. The butterflies. The dresses. The fights. Damn it. All of this!

All of this, but he still can't see it.

I watch as his face changes completely when he looks at me. It's like he's finally seeing the big picture. This face. The face I've been waiting to see, but I don't want it to be like this. I think he knows. Judging from the realization written all over his beautiful face, I think he knows I love him. His face changes once again as sadness takes over his features.

I push past him and start towards the bathrooms, I look back at him once, and he's just standing there, frozen in the middle of the hallway. That's how I know, he knows.

~*~

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