The Origins of Eugene the Pickle

On this Day, Picklemanity knew...

A large hand grabbed Eugene. Eugene was confused. He could faintly read the words 'Starbucks' on this stranger's clothing and from the top of the strangers voice was yelled the words "pickles" many times, fast and all at once.
All of a sudden, Eugene couldn't see a thing.

Picklespicklespicklespicklespicklespicklespicklespickelspicklespicklespicklespicklespicklespickles

Eugene was an innocent pickle he deserved none of this. He felt himself being placed next to a mango and a pineapple. Each fruit looked at him and said their names 'crusty mango and pine'. Wow, Eugene thought, I ship them so hard. Eugene shipped them faster than Amazon and it was hot.

Suddenly a chicken ran into the room, but instead of clucking, the noises it made were the first chords of the song '7 years'.

"It's hen ma fren!" Crusty mango called with a grin
"And Ewan is here with him!" Pine gestured, with a gesture that only food understand and somehow saw considering they had neither hands nor eyes, and her gesture lead to a small Lego figurine on Hen's back.

Light flooded into the room, as Tarkan the Wolf flew down from the cieling.

"I grant thee the power of furry memes" and lifted his head to reveal his face; he was Gabe Dunkin' Dippers! Gabe suddenly pulled out some Danimals Crunchers and rode off into the sunset like the magical being he was.
All 5 of them grew and grew (except pine who was short as hell) until they became humans. Not only did they have faces and hands but they were all a people. It was pretty flammable.

Now Eugene could be a free pickle but he was sad that he wasn't a pickle. Pickles were pretty sexy.

Eugene looked into the sunset and began to wonder what his future would become, when in the distance he heard a faint 'waluigi...'.