Before We Say Goodbye

Chapter Sixteen: So Insecure of my Manhood...

Chapter Sixteen - Damon

I wish I was normal.

People like Sophie don’t know how lucky they are. And them being normal, they don’t realise the power of such few words. Words can be so strong.

I shake my head. I’m dwelling on something that probably doesn’t mean anything – Sophie didn’t realise the effect her words would have. But what if she meant it? What if she thinks my face is stupid?

Life is hard when you look like a monster.

I sigh, and gaze out into the park from my bench, watching little children play football. They’re so young and innocent, stuck in that stage where everything is perfect. Their only problems are having to eat peas for dinner when they’re full, and going to bed when there’s still stuff on TV to watch.

I wish I was still in that part of my life.

I stand up, noticing an ice cream van a little way away. I still have some money, and ice cream always cheers me right up, so how about it?

“One 99 flake please,” I say when I’m near enough for the ice cream man to hear me.

He nods and takes a cone from the pack, holding it under the big metal container and pouring some ice cream on it. He sticks a flake in it and picks up a bottle of sauce.

“Chocolate or strawberry?” he asks, bored.

I think for a minute. “None.”

He grunts, putting the sauce back, and gives me my ice cream. “One pound.”

I give him the small bronze coin and thank him, walking away with my ice cream. I lick at the soft, cold…um, well, thing, I guess. It’s not a liquid, and I don’t like to call it a food. Substance doesn’t sound very nice, either – it kind of puts me off. So I guess I’ll stick with calling it a thing then.

I sigh in contentedness, pulling the flake out with my teeth and scoffing it down.

“Yum,” I say to myself.

This is what I want life to be like. I want it to be made of ice cream and caramel coffee and perfect kisses and all that.

However, I don’t want to sound like a girl, so let’s maybe stop thinking like that, huh, Damon?

*

I unlock the door quickly, pushing it open and stepping into the sudden warmth.

“Mu-um?” I call up in a sing song voice.

Wow. I’m acting like such a girl today.

Remember you’re a man, Damon! You’ve got things no girl should have! And if any girl does happen to have what you’ve got…just wow.

It’s amazing how hyper one ice cream can make me.

This is why Mum never lets me drink coke. Because I get all weird and floaty and dreamy and think weird things.

No joke.

“Mu-um?” I shout again.

“What is it, Damon?”

“Nothing. Just checking you’re alive.”

I hear Mum come down the stairs and stop in front of me. “How was…oh yeah, you didn’t go to school today. How was your day, then?”

“Coolio. What about yours?”

Mum scrunches up her face a bit. “It was alright. Claire made a right pig’s ear of that paper work, though, and I had to sort it out. It was seriously – ”