JackShrekticEye

Ogren't you glad i didn't say banana?

On the early morning of June 21st 2016, there was a man who built a strange machine.

His name was Jack, and all he wanted to do was become an ogre. Pretty cool if you ask me! :D

"My name is Jack", said Jack.

"So is mine", said Shrek.

"No it isn't fuk u lol", said Jack, with a swift kick to the ogrenads.

"EEEOOUUGH, MA FAMILY JEWELS!", Shrek let out with a roar and a fart (LMAO!)

Upon hearing the claims of this aggressive ogre, Jack quickly made a vlog in which he addressed the struggles faced on a daily basis in the swamps of Ireland. Ogre racism has become a major issue, and Jack couldn't stand to see the hatred shown in his community.

"I fookin' can't stand this Shrekky shit!", muttered Jack, with a longing smile :)

Upon posting his masterpiece, Jack was looking through the comments. He saw one comment by a creepy fuck named robertidk and he was like "Oh my god, I need a restraining order". But that is not relevant to this story, so moving on.

Jack was happy about all the happy comments that he received as usual. Thankfully he had Ogre-Blocker-5000 turned on, so no ogre scum could tarnish his beautiful community. That is, until he saw one comment by a user named Shrek.

"Hi, this is not the Shrek from earlier in the story. Anyways, you'll regret not liking Ogres, you Irish fuck."

Jack was concerned. He loved his beautiful community filled with beautiful humans and other intelligent beings that were not Ogres. What could this bullshit mean???

That night, there was an aggressive storm. Jack's best friend SepticEye Sam hid under the bed, because damn was he ever scared (Woah dude!).

Jack couldn't help but remember the strange comment that he received earlier that day. What the FUCK could it possibly mean???

"What the fuck could that comment possibly mean?", Jack sighed.

All of his frustrations were coming out on this emotional night. Jack clenched his fists and screamed.

"FOOK OGRES!!!!!!!!"

Just then, he got struck by fucking lightning and his body began to shake. SepticEye Sam got the fuck out of there because he wanted none of that shit. Jack let out another scream and then passed out.

The next morning, Jack was in serious pain. He looked down at his feet and realized that they were sticking out through the bedpost. (OH SHIT THAT MEANS HE GREW A LOT!)

Jack hadn't had a growth spurt since high school. What the shit was this? He was intrigued, but also like "wtf..." He brushed it off, and went to go record Goat Simulator

As soon as the man (or so he thought...) hit record, he slapped the air and knocked over his second monitor. He was like whatever and continued with his intro.

"TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA DONKEY!"

Something wasn't right...