Pink Roses || MKX ErronBlackxFemaleOC

Confused (M) || Chapter 12

So I'm back. Lol
I'm editing this tomorrow morning. I'm very tired and just wanna get this out.
The top image is the face claim for Hana.

I've taken time to look into what transgender really is, not the shit I wrote years ago. I had no understanding to what transgender was years ago and I thought I did but now I know some more so here this is lol

🎀 for Hana
💀 for Erron
🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚

🎀

I wanted to feel beautiful from the day I first saw myself in the mirror. I grew up in a masculine environment and being an only child seemed easy until I was six. That's when I felt something... odd about me. That's when I noticed that if I ever came out about this, I wouldn't have a sibling to turn to if my parents didn't love me.

My mother loved me. She loved everything about me, normal or abnormal. I knew she'd never care or give a damn if I told her. She'd still tell me that I'm still her child, and she'd tell me that if I wanted to be a girl, that's okay. She'd always accept me no matter what, and I never sugarcoated being this reality that would later sculpt my life. She even called me her sweet little girl, a thing that was not very common in my country.

It's very conservative and not as open to different people like others could possibly be. She made me feel at ease in an environment that wasn't very, or entirely, approving of people like me. Transgender people like me, people like me who were born a man and then felt this debilitating pain of not being a girl.

But my father could never understand that about me. It was always an instruction for me to be masculine. I understand that Korea isn't entirely "woke" on the issue and I understand that I shouldn't sugarcoat this. I know it'd be dumb if I told everyone I've ever been personal with that "oh it's easy being transgender," or that "I can just get hormones and take them like candy or Tylenol." That's not true. It's what I am, not who I am. It's unfortunate that I wasn't born a girl, it sucks that I had gender dysphoria until I nearly said "fuck it" and threw myself out of a window. But I've gotten past that. The sad thing is, my dad will never understand that about me.

He'd always call me a boy, and it wasn't violent, but he'd insist on me being called his son all the time. I was able to ignore it because I had better things to do with my life than listen to that, but it was the fact that "man, your dad doesn't accept you for who you are," and it just clicked in me.

The road to get here wasn't easy. It has made me wish, on multiple cases, that I had been born a girl so this never would've happened. But it did, and transition was absolutely paramount.

I felt odd when I was a child. I wound feel uncomfortable being called a boy, I felt as though I didn't belong, as if there was something wrong with me. I had become aware how different men and women were and understood that the male category wasn't the right one that fit. I felt miserable and the moment crushed me when I found out what really happened to my mom. It was no accident, and I'd lost something very important to me.

When I hit puberty, I knew I had to stop this pain, and I bloomed early. I worked and fought for the ability to get out of this hellhole. I wanted to leave my old life in the past and start anew. But everything was going by so slow. I was impatient but I had to go with it because slow change was better than none.

After perhaps three years of taking hormones, working relentlessly, having to find coping mechanisms left and right, I made it. I made enough money to get the surgery I needed. To be able to get the surgery, I had to make a somewhat risky decision. I didn't want to sneak out, but I had to. So I left from Daegu and met a friend in California who would let me stay with her until I fully recovered. I took every day I spent in the hospital and used it to tell myself that I had triumphed over the hellhole that is being transgender, rose over my transphobic father, left my home country to get a surgery that cost me countless sleepless nights, I deserved it.

From the pills I was taking, I noticed changes, but I needed a much bigger change. I didn't think they would but things happen. I basically took things that weren't there and worked hard to put them there. I eventually decided to do the last step, something I saved up for really hard and I did it.

I understood the I was born and will die a certain way, but I chased my dream in the pursuit of my own happiness and sought out medical and surgical assistance to live and look like a woman when I was not born a woman. I had become so successful. I even took my combat skills and applied to SF with powers of my own. I think I can empower other people to do the same despite circumstances. I was forced to move out and live on base grounds with SF. I had to change both my first and last name. Instead of Aron, I'm Hana Kim and I'm perfectly okay with that. I made friends and told people that they could do anything despite being held back. I didn't glamorize or sugarcoat anything. I made it through this rigorous process and I'm so happy I did.

But how can I communicate to my father that I'm just as human as he is? I just wish our relationship wasn't so rocky.

Just the rambling of a transgender woman.

💋

I wanted to revive this book but I'm not sure how.
I tried to be as accurate as I can. I figured out if I want to erase its entirety from the internet because it's so cringe worthy or keep doing it and try to make it work.

Also, if my errors are dumber than usual, it is 2:00 in the morning right now. So... but yeah. Love y'all. I'll edit this tomorrow morning. Don't worry.

—Author💋💕