"There are plenty of things I adore.
For example, the rain crashing against my window at 5pm or the music too loud in my headphones. I adore sad music even when I'm happy; the freezing wind when it's too cold to even get up in the mornings; writing at the 3am with the lights off and my head spinning. I also adore feelings: getting mad and too angry to even talk; wanting to stay in bed because I'm too sad to even wake up; or laughing until my checks are red and hot and I can't properly breathe.
There are plenty of things that I adore.
And that's it, but that doesn't mean I adore life. Sometimes I just forget that life is not just the blood running through my veins or my heart pumping in my chest.
What I mean is that, sometimes, my lungs are too tired to keep working and they need a moment to breathe (ironic, huh?). Sometimes my blood wants to escape because it hates routines. Sometimes my legs need to sit on a bench and rest or they will fall off. Sometimes my voice doesn't want to get out of my throat because if it does, it will get lost between the long streets, the cold nights, and the dangerous strangers.
And yes, sometimes I have no control over all of these things. But when I do have it, I don't want to screw everything up, so I follow my instincts and screw it up anyways.
Maybe this is because I have no control over the things I love the most."
