Ceiling Fans and Idle Hands

josh

when I walked in, I instantly regretted giving in to Tyler. the man was waiting for me in the front and led me to the room.

he doesn't want to help you

he only listens because he's paid.

"hi" the man offered me his hand, "I'm doctor George."

"josh" I said, taking his hand

"I know" he chuckled, "its what I'm here for."

"To know my name?" I sarcastically asked.

"well, to know you." he said, using it to dive straight into the session. "I understand that you've been.." he paused looking down to his clipboard, "depressed"

I cleared my throat to justify it, because I didn't want to say yes.

"I had a couple chats with your friend, Tyler."

"I know" I'm trying to stay distant, I don't want to cooperate.

he sighed, "you have to talk to me, its what you're here for, right?" he said

"it wasn't my idea." I shot back, "I don't want to be anywhere near this place."

he completely ignored my comment, "do you know any reason that could trigger these emotions?"

"no" short. and. simple.

"well, there is always a reason, and we're gonna have to find it to stop it, until then.." he stopped, digging into his locked cabinet. "you're gonna need these" he pulled out a bottle of anti-depressants.

no. I refuse. this is all to much. too much

baby steps this is not a baby step this is a older step further too much too much why was his cabinet locked what else could he be hiding too much too much too much.

why am I here why cant I be somewhere else why cant I just be dead being dead would be so much easier I wish I was never born god I hate everything my life oh man too much I god oh no too much

my thoughts became more and more jumbled and soon I couldn't understand myself anymore. I was locked in a room where there were too many words and too many sounds and I cant get out. it was almost as if there was no door, just an empty white room full of too many things.

"josh?" I snapped out of it.

"Tyler!" I was surprised, how did he get in here?

"Hey, man. hey, lets get outta here, okay?" his voice was soft and concerned, but different.

I could only suppress a small weak "yeah" while cling onto Tyler like a child terrified of its surroundings.

Tyler stopped to take something that jingled but I was too busy to care. my head hurts.

~~

"Hey, josh, buddy" Tyler was shaking me awake.

"Ugh, dude why do you always have to wake me up so early"

"Josh, it's almost one in the afternoon."

"Oh" I muttered, crawling out of my bed

"Uh, dude, sorry about yesterday, I can't help but think that it was my fault, I know you get so anxious doing these things."

"What?" I asked, before all these memories came flying back into my head at once almost as if someone threw a brick at my head and it exploded inside my mind.

"...oh.. yeah" I said, falling back down onto the bed.

"Now I know this is hard for you but you need to take these.." he offered me a cup of water and two pills.

"Two? Yesterday there was only one.."

"I know, uhm.. after your.. attack.. doctor George told me you needed these too.. they're for your anxiety."

"Oh, I don't need-"

"Josh, yes. You do. Now just please." He pleaded with teary eyes.

"Okay okay fine." I took them and tyler allowed me to go back to bed.