I'm Never Letting Go

Chapter Four- I Don't Understand

Chris' POV

The room started to come back into focus. I had no idea how long I'd been out for. I was uncomfortable, the ground beneath me hard and cold, and I had a dull aching pain on my knees and my chest, as if I had tripped and fallen over onto the concrete floor.

Wait.

I suddenly realised that that's exactly what I had done. More or less. As my brain started to become accustomed to reality, the pain that was once a distant annoyance suddenly pushed itself to the forefront of my mind, causing small moans to involuntarily escape my lips. In my half unconscious state, I heard a distant sharp intake of breath, followed by the shuffling of feet coming from behind in order to face me. I tried to make movements in response to these actions, but my body wouldn't let me, instead rendering my muscles almost completely useless as I struggled to push mere inches between me and the floor.

"Easy, easy...", a far away voice cooed. Why did it sound so... scared?

Whoever the voice belonged to, they practically dragged me for a short distance before I was suddenly let go and fell backwards on what I could only presume was the living room sofa, as my eyes had not yet adjusted properly. I could make out a blurred figure of a man standing deadly still in front of me, as if waiting for me to snap out of it. So I decided to try, for him. I closed my eyes. Took a deep breath. Felt the nausea slowly subside. Opened my eyes.

PJ.

That was who was helping me, of course it was. It was just my luck. My memory began to catch up with me as I recollected the events leading up to now. Oh god, I thought. How am I going to get out of this one..

"So", he said simply. I didn't reply. I just simply stared into his eyes. I had no idea what to do, but I hoped I could at least assert an air of confidence and stability by keeping my face trained on his own. The silence elongated for far too long before PJ decided to pipe up again, but not before sighing at my childish blatant ignorance and breaking eye contact, seemly having a sudden interest in the far side of the room.

"Perhaps...", he began, "you would like to explain what the hell happened just now. And I mean the truth. Not this 'hangover' bullshit. Let me help you Chris. I want to be able to help. Not just sitting on the side-lines while you slowly crumble before my very eyes and stop talking to me and go out every night and sometimes not even look at me for Christ's sake and...a-and..", before he could even finish his throat seemed to close up and his face resembled that of someone gasping for air after almost drowning. How fitting.

"I....", my voice tailed off. I seemed to be having the same trouble he was. I could feel my heart beat escalating again, so I forced myself to control it. I couldn't put PJ under that kind of stress again in the space of a few minutes by having a second attack. So I closed my eyes and blocked everything out. Like a trance. I could feel myself relax, and all the pent up anxiety, stress, fear, everything, all just left my body. I eliminated it from my mind, I removed it from my soul.

I knew that as long I could hold this internal control, the world would be okay. I would be okay. Me and PJ... we could make our friendship work. No matter how much it hurt. When I opened my eyes, PJ looked close to tears, which was probably a reaction to the strange meditation I just had. He looked as if he had just been shouting.

My eyes made their way up to the beautiful boy's green ones and held them. I took a deep breath, before coming out with the truth.

*

A/N

Oooooo what's he going to say?! Thanks for being patient, a lot is going on in my life at the moment! But I will make sure to find the time to update more regularly.

There's a lot of talk going around at the moment about Chris "telling off" his fans for ruining his and PJ's friendship because some people ship them? If anyone knows anything about this I'd love to be updated, I'm confused ):

Also thank you to the lovely people who have left me really nice comments! Love ya x

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Over and out xox