What We Had : A Two-Part Story

Part 2

This is so humiliating. My son is telling his friends he can't hang out because he's staying at his old man's flat for the weekend. Bloody hell, I hate the sound of that. It shouldn't be my flat, it should be Cassie and I's home that we share and raise our beautiful children in.

As I sit here, holding my daughter and watching my second born color on the floor, I look to Elliott and say, "You can go out. Honestly, it's fine, I've got these two to keep me company." I didn't want this situation to change his childhood. I want him to go out and have fun and forget about all this.

"No, it's fine," Elliott told me in a sad tone, as he fiddled with his phone. He was taking this harder than Dustin, which is understandable. "Elliott," I softly called. He looked over to me and I gestured for him to come over. 

He let out a loud sigh, then walked over and sat down on the couch next to me. I set Harper in her crib, then put my arm around my boy and pulled him to my side. "I know this is hard," I told him, "but believe me when I say that I will not stop fighting for your mum. I love her more than you or her can ever imagine."

He looked up at me with sad eyes, my poor lad. "Her divorce lawyer has been coming over. A lot," he told me, sending my heart to my throat. A divorce lawyer? We haven't even fully discussed this! She hasn't told me about any fucking lawyer!

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, as Elliott continued, "I don't want you guys to get divorced. Please, dad." I looked to my son with a sad sigh, then brought him in for a hug. "I don't want to divorce from your mother," I told him, "but if that's what she wants...I can't stop her. I can only try to persuade her to change her mind."

"So persuade her!" Elliott shouted as he stood up. I looked at him in shock. He's never raised his voice like that. "Elliott, it's alright," I soothingly told him. He shook his head with tears threatening to spill; it was breaking my bloody heart!

"No," he told me, his voice cracking, "it's not going to be okay. It's never going to be okay!" I saw Dustin quickly get up and move over to me and Harper started crying. I slowly stood up, never taking my eyes off Elliott. 

I could feel Dustin's arms wrap around my leg like he was getting scared. "Calm down, son," I gently told him. He started to cry and I could feel my heart physically break. "Come here," I said, while holding my arms open. "Come on, it's alright." 

Elliott practically fell into my arms and broke into sobs. I held him tightly, as I rubbed his back and put my fingers in his hair. I kissed his head, rocked him, almost everything I did to calm him when he was a baby.

"Let's get you in bed," I softly told him. "I know you haven't been sleeping." He nodded and started leading him to his room, but his legs were giving up on him. "I've got you," I said, as I bent down and lifted him up in my arms. I haven't carried him like this for years. 

I brought him into his room, then set him down on the bed. I made sure his shoes were off and the blanket was over him, before sitting down with him until he fell asleep. I leaned down and kissed his head, then quietly walked out, leaving his door open just a crack.

Thankfully, Harper had stopped crying and Dustin was back to coloring. I needed to speak to Cassie about this. I can't have this decision made solely based on us, but on our kids as well. 

A few hours later, after all the kids were in bed, I rang Cassie. Actually, I rang her a couple times because she didn't pick up the first or second. Finally, the third time I called, she picked up. "What, Benedict?" Her tired sounding voice answered. 

"Cassie we need to talk," I firmly told her. "It's about Elliott and about us." She seemed to have perked up at the mention of Elliott, as she quickly asked, "Why, what's wrong with him?" I sighed and sat myself on the bed. "He's taking this thing really hard. I'm worried about him. Earlier, he shouted at me, then started crying because you have a fucking divorce lawyer often come over, apparently."