Cali
The wind was whispering, you'll never make it here. Oh darling, not ever.The blades of grass swayed under the weight of their laughter. The sun had turned cruel, a burn forming on my bare shoulders. I wasn't sure what I had done.
The dirt track merged and dropped into the Miracle Mile and my heart didn't skip a beat. He was there, waiting. Arms crossed, his weight braced against the trunk of a tree, open flannel splaying in the wind, dirty. My mother would be appalled. It didn't fill me with joy today. And he knew. Chris took one look at me and knew, the grin fell off his face.
"What's happened?"
I walked past him into Sterilis.
"Baby, what's happened?" He softened his voice, trying to appear gentle. He would have never done that for the rebel girls, he wouldn't even think to. It was an insult, I was sure of it. Did he not think I could handle it?
"You've got to let me fight."
"Next year, baby, it's all been arranged."
"This year, Chris. Now." I hated how broken my voice sounded.
"Cali, what is going on? You know you can't fight this year. You're not ready yet."
"Not ready? You don't think I can handle it?" I sighed, frustrated. "God, you rebels are so conceited, thinking you're stronger and harder than everyone else."
"That isn't what I said, Cal." His voice came out from between gritted teeth.
"But it's what you're thinking. Little city-girl Cali can't handle it. I've heard the way you guys use that word as an insult, don't deny it."
"Cali."
"I won't fight next year, Chris. I won't. It has to be this year, it has to be now. There are two more days left." It was a plea, the anger leaving my body like air from a deflated balloon. "I can do it, I know I can. Let me fight."
"Are you willing to leave your home and family?" He asked. "Are you willing to leave Elizabeth? If you fight now that's, it Cali, you can't go back. You have to be prepared for your last words to them to have been your final ones."
"If it's not tomorrow I won't leave at all. The wall was approved, Chris. This time next year the divide between us will be bigger than just prejudice. Right now it isn't definite, the choice to come here. There is no wall stopping me from going back, from them coming here. But once there is? I won't be able to do it, Chris. I know I won't." I needed to fight this year.
"Wall or no wall, this is definite, Cali. Once you're in you can never leave." I could see his heart breaking.
"I don't want to leave, Chris, not you. Never you. I need to make the decision now so that it doesn't feel like I'm leaving them, too."
"Okay." He muttered.
"Okay?" My eyes widened.
"I don't speak for you, Cali. You wanna fight this year? Okay. But you remember, I never forced you to. Remember that I urged you to do the opposite. When you hate me for this, you remember that."
In that moment, my heart broke too.
* * *
As fate would have it, Cali didn't fight that year. Yet she ended up hating him anyway.
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A Collection of Ruins
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