now i see it everyday (and i am the luckiest) - JOSHLER CANCER FIC

Cancer Fic - joshler

The diagnosis comes a week before they graduate. Josh is bored and trying his best to suck the marrow out of life while he's still young and beautiful or whatever that stupid cliché is. The problem is that even their looming graduation isn't enough inspiration for him to do anything other than do a few stupid tricks on his skateboard and then head over to Tyler's.

They only have three more months before college and all Josh wants to do is nothing, but he wants to do it with his best friend.

But when he gets to Tyler's and walks through the front door as if he owns the place, it occurs to him that people actually knock for a reason. Because he can hear Tyler and his mother arguing in the kitchen and he's fairly sure they didn't hear him come in.

"Mom, I don't want to do it! It's my decision, I've been eighteen for almost seven months, you need to – "

"Don't you dare tell me to let go, Tyler Joseph," and Josh is kind of scared, because he knows Mrs. Joseph well but he's never heard her sound so very...fragile. "Not right now. You know – "

Josh decides that if he listens more he will be a bad person, and so he tentatively steps into the doorway. He clears his throat slightly and Mrs. Joseph whips around, giving him a weak smile. "Oh, Josh sweetie. Good to see you."

Josh decides to pretend that he doesn't notice her tears, or the way her voice cracks. It seems kinder.

He also pretends not to notice the way Tyler's eyes are red and watery, pretends not to see the way his best friend shakes as he brushes past his mother and walks out the front door with Josh trailing behind him.

Later, as Josh lies in the dark next to Tyler and wonders about the conversation, he continues his game of make-believe, and pretends that he's not scared.

****
For the next three days, everything is okay. There are no more tears or hushed arguments for Josh to walk in on – and he would know, because Tyler spends all the time that he's not at school at Josh's house.

Tyler's phone rings and buzzes almost non-stop for all of Saturday night and Sunday morning, but he refuses to even look at the device. Finally, as their game is interrupted once again by Tyler's ringtone on Sunday afternoon, Josh asks him if he wants to just answer so the person (Josh suspects it's Tyler's parents, though he's not sure why) will stop calling. Instead, Tyler stares at the phone for a solid thirty seconds before turning it off completely.

Josh doesn't ask when the phone stays off for the rest of the weekend.

****

When Tyler asks him if he can spend Tuesday night at Josh's house, it suddenly occurs to Josh that the other boy is avoiding his home. Tyler has already spent two consecutive nights at his best friend's house, and while Josh would love having the boy for another, he's beginning to wonder if Tyler's mother and father miss him.

"Don't you think...you should maybe go home, man?" Josh asks tentatively. Tyler may have been edgier than usual recently, and he doesn't particularly want to upset him. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd be down to have you here every single night but like...don't your parents want you home sometime?"

Tyler rolls his eyes with a little too much bravado. "Who cares? I don't want to be around them right now, so I'm not going to be."

Tyler seems ready to drop the subject because he's turning back towards the TV and hanging his head backwards off of Josh's bed, challenging him to another round of Mario Kart. But Josh feels like there's more to be said. He's not one for prying, but this is Tyler, for God's sake.

"Tyler...dude, is everything okay...with you? With your family or whatever?" This is familiar territory for Josh – Tyler has never been upfront with his feelings, and Josh has always been the one to ask and the one to comfort when everything went to shit. But for some reason this time feels different. It isn't Tyler's usual omission of facts. It feels like he is specifically keeping this...from Josh.