my turn to cry | baekhyun

61 (Baekhyun)

Baby girl, I'm so sorry that it had to end this way.
I didn't know it would get worse, or else, I would've told you everything in person.
Oh boy, what am I lying for? I wouldn't tell you even if it was this bad from the beginning. I wouldn't be able to stand watching you getting sucked back into that depressing life again, because of me. I would never want that smile of yours to disappear.
I'm so disappointed in myself, knowing that you're probably not your happiest right now.
I feel like such a coward for keeping everything away from you until now. It's so low of me to explain it all this way, but you deserve to know what made me do what I did.
Okay, to begin with, my relationship with my dad isn't the greatest. When he first started to randomly scold me for foolish reasons, he only yelled. It progressed and worsened to brutal beatings. I don't want to go into much detail because it makes me cringe, but yeah, he was super abusive.
I'm not sure if you have ever noticed, and I hope that you haven't, the bruises that he leaves on my body.
His yellings don't scare me anymore since I have gotten used to it, but every time, he finds somewhere untouched to beat.
I'm so sorry that I had to lie about getting into fights at school. At least, it gave me a bad boy image, right? Please tell me that made you at least smile, I don't want to feel any more guilty.
I wore that mask for the past week or so, to hide the bruise he gave me above my lip. I'm sorry I faked having a flu.
But yes, I am extremely sick right now.
I haven't touched even a glass of water since three days ago. I'm pretty positive that I've lost a ton of weight, but whatever.
Moving on, about those pills. Yes, they are sleeping pills. God, at least something that I didn't lie about.. It really helps me sleep well every time I take a tablet, for a good four hours.
I've become really depressing, haven't I?
I hope that I didn't affect you in any way up to now. I hope that this won't affect you more than it should.
I'm so utterly happy for you. You've improved drastically, you're eating better, your relationship with your mom is much more stable, you're going to school regularly, and you're much happier with your life.
Honestly, if it weren't for you, I would've become much more depressed and done with life much earlier.
Thank you for existing in my life, I'll never be able to repay you for all that you've done for me.
Please eat, rest, study and live well, baby.
Don't think of anything stupid and go out with your mom and have brunch after reading this.
I love you with all my heart and I'm so sorry for putting you through this,
Baekhyun.

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