Pretty much hand in hand with my control issues is my need to plan every move I make. With Ryan, planning wasn't possible, he was always the type to go with the flow, and whatever anyone else wanted to do he was game for. There was no order, no planning in his life, except where I was involved. He was always patient with me though; he never got mad because I would navigate when we'd drive, or how I would make him leave fifteen to twenty minutes early, he was always so calm and collected; we were like complete opposites, and yet I managed to fall so deeply and madly in love with this unorganized, uncontrolled, plan-less fool.
No amount of planning could help me prepare for my fear that everything I do will not be good enough; I am afraid that I am not good enough, and I am terrified that I am not enough. When I was with Ryan I would constantly have thoughts that told me I was not good enough for him. He could have had anyone he wanted and yet he wanted me and I could not comprehend that idea in my head. It is incredibly painful to pretend like everything is okay and act somewhat confident, to act like I wasn't constantly fighting a war in my head where I was my own enemy; that was the worst part of me, this never-ending fight in my head always made me tired and added unnecessary stress into my life.
YOU ARE READING
I Broke My Bryce Boy
Teen FictionThis is the third book in the Living With the Bryce Boys series, you don't have to start at the first one to understand the two completely it just adds back story for some characters. *unedited* **coming super soon**
