The Place Between Dreams

Part 2

"Why are you crying, Mommy?"

Janey startled at the sound of her daughter's cupcake sweet voice. She'd thought Adelle had been occupied with her doll babies and was subsequently caught in a moment of meaningless online scrolling.

She sent her phone into sleep mode and set it aside on the worn cushions of the sunny window seat where she reposed. She pulled her little curly headed seven-year-old onto her lap.

"Nothing, baby," Janey lied, softly placing a kiss atop the angel's head.

Adelle squirmed in order to turn to her mother. She placed both her delicate hands upon Janey's freckled cheeks. "Something's wrong, Mommy, or you wouldn't be crying!" Tears welled in the little girl's own baby blues threatening to spill over.

Janey feigned her brightest smile. "Really, baby, there's nothing to worry about."

Adelle sniffled and frowned; even looked a little angry. Janey's smile faded, ever unable to fool the sensitive little girl. She pulled her daughter closer, cuddling her tight. "It's just that the world is a sad place to Mommy, love."

"You lied to me," Adelle whispered, a single tear escaping despite her best efforts to be big.

Janey sighed. "Baby, I wish I wasn't sad, and I definitely don't want you to be sad, so I try to hide it from you. I lied to protect you, but you're right. I shouldn't lie. I'm sorry."

Adelle patted her mommy's cheeks again, seemingly satisfied. "So what is sad this time?"

Janey sat momentarily frozen by Adelle's awareness of her ever present depression. She wished to be someone else; just as hard as she'd once wished to bring the fantastical world of her dreams into reality. She tried to manufacture the perfect thing to say. Staring into Adelle's bottomless eyes; she took a deep breath and settled on the truth.

"The world is a cruel place, honey," she explained in an uncertain voice that made her sound like little more than a child herself. "Do you know what that means?"

Adelle nodded solemnly. "Yes. It means very mean."

Janey couldn't help but briefly smile at how sharp her kid was. "That's right," she said, poking Adelle's nose. "You're so smart."

"Did something cruel happen?"

Janey felt that knot of anxiety tighten in her head and a dull ache escalated to throbbing thunder. The anxiety came when she became overwhelmed and subsequently confused. Had something cruel happened? So many cruel things happened each day.

She almost forgot exactly what it was that had brought her to tears.

"In another country, people set off a bomb, and they killed people at a ball game." Janey's throat constricted. "And themselves. The people with the bombs also died."

Adelle's room was a pretty, happy place; small, and shabby chic. Lace accents, distressed furniture, pink and turquoise. A penchant for antique dolls. The sort with limp, faded curls, slightly cracked finish, discolored but still all so soft silks... Eyes that shut when the dolls laid back.

Light moved lazily about through the shadows of the leaves tossing outside. Late afternoon sun shone on Adelle's blonde head and the scent of roses breezed in.

Adelle wrinkled her nose; looked perplexed. Good. Maybe she'd lose interest in this macabre topic. Maybe such vile things wouldn't be addressed in this place.

I hate myself.

"Mommy?"

Oh no. Thoughts swirling, spinning, out of control. Why would you tell these things to a child?

"Yes, baby?"

"Could that ever happen here?"

Janey's heart raced to a dangerous hummingbird flight. Her ears rang, the familiar alarm of her life. I never say the right things. Somehow, she managed to smile. Her eyes probably looked crazy, but at least that's one thing small children don't generally interpret.

"Here?" Janey said, voice a touch too shrill. "In my arms? Never!" She wrapped Adelle in a bear hug and even playfully roared for effect.

Adelle giggled and for her, the moment passed; forgotten. Janey clung to her daughter for dear life, biting into her own lip severely enough to draw blood.

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