The Fox and the Alpha

Chapter 18- Staying

God I was confused. I didn't wanted to stay tied here forever, and I told Red I would leave with her, but I could have a life here. I could become a doctor, there was a med school near mey house, like a 15 minute walk or something. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help people. I wanted to, somehow, in a way, compensate all the death I caused by bringing life. Well, I guess that maybe, if I succeded in becoming a doctor I wouldn't have to leave, assuming that Red didn't want to leave. But what if I got other job oppourtinities? What if I wanted to move or something? Well tk be honest getting other job opportunities was probably the least of my problems. I had always ran from my enemies, or more especificly my brother's enemies. I also didn't exacly wanted to face them or bring trouble to the peole of this town.

But I was sure Red wanted to leave, considering her current situation. However, if I was Luna, I could make things better for her, I could make her happy or something.

Which bring us to the mate topping. Did I wanted a mate? No. Maybe. I dont know. Did I liked Ashton? No. Maybe. I dont know. Did I imagined a future with him? You guessed it! No. Maybe. I dont know. I guess if he wasnt like he had been lately, going all possessive and shit I would like him a lot. But it's really not something we can avoid. We were supposedly choosed by the moon godness because we complete each other or some romantic crap like that. Did I belived that? Maybe. I had hope for us, I really did, I just really disliked his 'Alpha mate' personality. I was a girl with many secrets, ones that I has not able to share with everybody. I mean I was sure I shared some kind of bond with Red, like a trust bond, that was why I had tolded her a great part of my story. With Ashton, it was more... I dont know the atraction was strong bettwen one another, but there was another feeling, something I just couldnt describe. Love probably. The mate bond was clearly stronger, but still, I valued trust a lot more than attraction and I would always go for a bond made of trust than a bond made of love. I hasnt very good at loving anyway, and most my lovers ended up dead but still,who wouldnt like to have a long, loving and happy live. But was that really what I wanted?

I guess it was basically what I was here for, to live long, loving and happy life. But it wasn't what I expected. I didn't expect to find my mate! The one I am pretty much promised to! Geez there was just so much at stake! In a normal relationship, you never knew were you were going to be in two or three years, you didn't knew if you were going to be ingnoring each other or marring each other. With mates, as soon as you accept then, you know you are going to spend the rest of your life together, until death sets you apart. I'm not ready for a relationship that serious with someone I just met.

"Judge me all you want werewolf population but my opinion stays the same: I won't start a relationship with him unless I am ready and I know I can. I just have to talk to Red about it. If she wants to go. .. God that's going to be complicated. I guess, maybe, in a way, somehow I do want to stay. Now I just have to tell Red." I said talking to myself, ignoring if I looked crazy or not.

I heard the door creak and snapped my head up, becomimg suddenly allert to my surroundings.

"No need honey I already know." Said Red entering in my room with an unreadable expression in her face.

I swallowed, hard. I was not supposed to tell Red about it like this. Damm why was I crazy and talked to myself? I quickly got up and walked up to friend, who had dark bags under her eyes and a hungover look on her face, which brought a small smirk to my own.

"You look like crap." I said, feeling the stress and tiredness in my voice. She gave me a small chuckle and said looking at me, equally tired:

"Well you haven't seen yourself in the mirror today, have you?" She said before yawning. I looked at her dark bags and tired face, almost positive that I did not looked as bad.