being someone with severe anxiety your trusty family of six could always count on you to wake up the house in the early hours with the night terrors you suffered . these terrors , mostly about going back to the system or of one of your brothers or sisters tragically dying or even of frank your dead beat father never making it home again always meant heavy eyes and weary words of comfort . This had gone on a majority of your life and while it effected everyone significantly including kev and v with sleep loss and concern for your mind it effected you most . You were fully aware that you were a burden to the family's sleep schedule and emotional capacity and you felt nothing but guilt and dread when your head hit the rough and scratchy sheets you laid your head on every night . You found yourself frequently becoming more quiet and becoming softer opposed to the spunky and free girl you once were . More often than not you were biting your nails and picking your loose threads on sweaters and jeans when anyone approached you lately or when everyone seemed to be getting along . It's not that you refused to speak or were mad at them but you felt that you were only someone who took even more time out of Fiona's day than she needed and more sleep from the kids restless nights than they had already lost . And over time everyone had just grown used to it and treated you as the silent one you had chosen to become , or so it seemed . Tonight was the night you were celebrating lips transition into senior year , your favorite big brother although you would never admit it fearing hurting the other boys feelings . It smelled of Marlboro and cherry brews and paper plates and people littered the floors . Happiness and knowing glances were shared between guests . Carl and Debbie made themselves busy planting small confetti cannons to scare unknowing guests in the cake while frank and Fiona took charge of the most likely half made up baby stories of the child genius lip. Ian laughed along and sang when frank in a drunk state stole the karaoke machine multiple times only to sing hungry like the wolf for the eightieth time in a row . And while lip marveled at his imperfect family and smiled with Liam bouncing on his hip he couldn't help but feel the itch at the back of his head that something was out of place . Slowly backing out to the back door and placing a cig between his lips to think almost as if it was a learning habit , lip searched for what could be missing on what seemed the most perfect day until finally the breath was knocked out of his lungs in realization . Seeing missing cigs from his small pack and trailing footprints in the snow leading from his back door to the small alleyway you could get to your room in lip had known that his baby sister had avoided social encounters once again. He tried to approach you about it before and open you up to only which you shrugged and picked at your nails . Craning his neck to find your legs quickly duck into the window entrance after seeing him he slowly sighed and climbed in after you . You were like a fearful child curled into the corner of your bed with the sheets scattered and cigarettes strewn across the window sill unsmoked . " baby ? " lip said simply , to which you only choked on another sob and scooted back further . " darlin what's happened ?" He asked crinkling his eyebrows and admiring his stolen cigs on your window . " you know I'm fine " you smiled sickeningly , " I haven't been asleep so it's not a night terror " you stated to prove to him you weren't covering anything up like you had done previously . " I think we both know that's a lie baby " he said concerningly Scooping up the cigs off your window . " why'd you take my cigs ? " he asked not to threaten or scare you but genuinely curious . " baby please tell me , you've been scarin' me a lot lately " you finally let a shaky breath out after attempting to not bother him with your problems once again . " I'm so sorry bubby " you said through red eyes and loud sobs . Bubby. You only called him bubby in intimate moments , your favorite being when you first rode a bike -- " cmon kiddo pettle faster " " I'm trying bubby !! " he smiled at your attempts to pettle down the small street and put his hands on the back of the bike running with you to steady you when he suddenly did " bubby I did it bubby !! " you said with red cheeks and in squeaks . Lip laughed " you sure did darlin " -- you hadn't even used that name in years . You were lips soft spot and his breaking point , so hearing you cry and break down asking for your " bubby " to forgive you meant a weak lip . " I know I have a problem and I know that I make everyone's life so exhausting and extra and I know you love me but I also know that I'm going to lose that soon because I mess everything up and no one ever gets sleep cause of me " you said defeatedly wiping your nose . " baby no please don't get say that" he said quickly tucking the cigs in his pocket and going to hold you as he always did in the early hours . You quickly jerked back and left lip with a hurt and confused look . " I will not be the reason you miss this party and lose time of your life because of my stupid anxiety and time taking " you said shaking . " doll please just let me hold you ... I need it right now , I need to hold you to assure myself that you're self , you know I psych myself out when you get hurt " you slowly and shyly pushed yourself forward and nuzzled into his smoke smelling iron maiden shirt , never before being this slow to approach your favorite brother . Only making him break down even more you said nothing for a long while until your big brother finally spoke . " you are not and never have Been a problem y/n " he said angrily " you have made this family so happy and Fiona takes the credit but you keep us all together when it comes to reality and attitude checks " he said chuckling . He titled your head up to see more tears still running and gulped " baby please " he said his voice breaking . " bubby why did this happen to me " you asked referring to your anxiety . Lip became silent and rubbed your hair Thinking . " darlin everyone has their downfalls and habits and Devils " you looked up at him confused . " but you don't have one bubby " you said making him melt even more by the minute . " you bet I do baby , these cigs and this Brain " he said patting his head and pocket . " although my brain gets me places and to people it also damages common sense sometimes and makes competition and those cigs make me feel good and all but they damage me " he said remembering early on . " alright NOw you have to tell me about why you stole my cigs " . " if I'm BEINF honest bubby I've grown to learn that you only smoke when you need to think or when you don't want to think and I wanted to stop thinking " . Wrapping his arms around you and singing your traditional lullaby young and beautiful he sang on the restless nights by elvIs Presley he quickly assured you that his habits were nothing to find yourself into because it was his downfall and that thinking and talking was a blessing . After many hours of talk and laughter and catching up a drunk frank swung into the door and sang rockin around the Christmas tree only making you burst into laughter while your brother shook his head and carry you into the party with the rest of
your family who was waiting for you with open arms . " I love you baby sis , no more cigs or tears yeah ? " he said teaching you . " yeah " you nodded smiling . " I love you more bubby "
