all i see... | 2jae

3.

Today was more of a new day; Jaebum was more calm and collected and Marilyn was less worried and anxious as the two were laid up on their small couch together. Their tabby cat was on top of the coffee table in front of them sleeping. Jaebum stared at the nameless cat with a very bored expression plastered on his newly fresh shaved face. However, in the corner of his eye, he could see his plain looking girlfriend gazing at him curiously. No, he did not turn to face her because that would cause her to question him about what he was thinking about, and Jaebum was thinking about no one and nothing. Jaebum did not want to think; his head hurt horribly from a hangover, so having thoughts roaming throughout his brain would definitely only worsen it.

Jaebum sighed, he turned his head slightly to the left where there was a door cracked open. Originally, his apartment was to be two bedrooms and one bathroom, and as an artist Jaebum did not like his work space to be crowded. Instead of leaving the extra bedroom empty, he decided to gather up all his art supplies, including his easel and he declared that space to be his art room. It was before Marilyn moved in with him and the two agreed to share a room together. Jaebum was actually very happy to wake up to Marilyn right beside him, always grateful to see her fave every time he went out and came back. Though, this was only in the beginning of their relationship and Jaebum seemed to find her annoying and quite clingy now. It is almost as if his interest for art left him, just like his interest of his own girlfriend.

Jaebum sat up, causing Marilyn's head that was resting on his chest to rise up in curiosity. He then stood up, walking over to his art room, his lips pressed in a thin line as he entered. He did not close the door behind him, causing his petite girlfriend to wander into the room behind him.

"Are you going to paint?" She asked him, leaning against the plastic covered walls. Jaebum did not answer, yet, he grabbed the last canvas off of the floor and adjusted it on the easel. Marilyn frowned as he continued to ignore her, pulling out his paint brushes and palettes. "Jaebum?"

Marilyn could see the lost look worn on her boyfriend as he glares at the white canvas. Jaebum breathes out, his eyes soon meet with his finished artwork lined up against the orange lone cabinets in the corner of the room. The many warm and cool colors in each painting that he put his hard, dedicated work into. The people, the figures in each of the full canvases seemed to tease him still and silently. Jaebum did not have enough energy to be angry at them, or himself, or his girlfriend.

"Sorry," Jaebum muttered. He diverted his attention to his upset, and very puzzled girlfriend and he faked a smile. "I guess I am a bit out of it today."

Marilyn's lips turned upwards into a small smile, her eyes were soft as she stared at Jaebum. "It's fine." She giggled, "I'm feeling the same way as you, Jaebum."

Jaebum's fake smile fell a little as he proceeded to look at his girlfriend. He wondered if she really did feel the same way as him, it was impossible for her to because she knew of nothing that he felt. He balled up his fist, bit down on his lip and looked down at his feet that were clothed in socks. He felt like yelling out, "No, you don't feel the same way as me, Marilyn!" But that would hurt her feelings since she had tried her hardest to recognize his feelings. There would be no way for her to truly know unless he spoke to her about how much he despised art, but then again, that would also hurt her since Jaebum had kept it a secret from her for awhile. It was as if there was no actual way of telling her without bruising her emotionally; she cared too much about him.

Jaebum's walls that surrounded his inner self were wobbling, they had yet to crash and burn. From avoiding it, he tried his hardest to not think too much about it, but that was absurd. He would never learn how to do that.

Jaebum looked up at Marilyn with a desperate expression, he sighed, "Do you think you can leave me alone for awhile?"

Of course Marilyn's face twitched with a sudden hint of sadness, the small smile that was on her face was faint and her eyes were pained. Her arms were at her sides, her fist balled up but she took a small breath in before she turned around and left the doorway. She made sure to slam the door shut, and that made Jaebum flinch.

Jaebum could not feel bad for her at this time, he was full of self pity and he could not bring himself to go after her and apologize to her, to comfort her. However, she was not the only one who was hurting. Jaebum felt as if he was hurting way more than she was and that he deserved this time to be excluded from everything. His hands made their way to his face, he squeezed the bridge of his nose as he shook his head lightly. He bit down on his lip and brought himself down to the floor, he was leaning against the wall. His legs were crossed over one another, his arms relaxing on top of them.

As his hands then left his face, his eyes made their way to his old paintings piled up in the corner of the room. He did not have enough energy to get up and walk, so instead he crawled over to get to them. One of his paintings was then on his lap, his eyes staring right at it with annoyance. The painting was not anything big, but it was beautiful, this was something that anyone could call a work of art. It was plain, though, he sort of liked it. The painting was the view of his neighborhood during the evening time. He missed the sway of his wrists as he would hold the paint brush that was dipped in paint, as he filled in every white area up with color.

Then, he moved onto the next painting and his lips turned up into a smile. He remembered this painting one so well, he remembered every detail of it and the troubles he went through to perfect it. This was one of his favorites, he would be so proud if anyone saw this because he knew it would receive many positive compliments. He knew that people would have urged him to paint more breath taking images like that one, and maybe he would have after so much confidence. But, he never showed these paintings to anyone other than his father.

His father pushed him more and more each time, he did not always put his input into it and that did make Jaebum feel horrible at times. When you are showing something so important to your parent, who wants to hear "you can do even better than this," or "keep doing this and you'll be even better in the future."? Jaebum did not fancy how his father would only encourage him, it made him wonder if his kin even liked anything of the art he made.

Jaebum's finger traced over every aspect of his painting. This painting had a colorful background, it was bright and happy. It was one simple color, and it was the color yellow. The background was also full of different kinds of flowers, and it made the background jump out at you even more. Though, the main part of the painting was the odd and Jaebum planned for it to look this way. There were two figures in the painting but they were dull, they were only black. It was obvious that the figures were people, but the people had no face. One figure faced one way, and the other faced the opposite way as if they were walking away from each other. As if they were parting.

Their hands were obvious too, they were drawn there for a specific reason and Jaebum was clever. There was a red string tied to the figure's pinky; the string represented the red string of fate. Jaebum was one day doing research on concepts, theories, tales and beliefs. He eventually stopped on a topic of love and other people's fate. This piqued his interest immediately, and as he scrolled down on the website he was browsing on, he paused. There was a big bright pink title that read, "The Red String Of Fate."

Jaebum soon came to find out that it was a myth about ancient gods that would tie an invisible red cord around the ankles of those who are destined to meet one another in a certain situation, or assist each other in a certain way. But in other Asian cultures, mainly Japanese culture the string was tied around the little finger. The more he looked into it, the more it stuck to him and then he could not let go of that idea. It mattered to him in so many ways than anyone can imagine, it made him realize so many things.

In his painting, it was evident that there was something wrong with the red string. In the middle of the string, it appeared to be breaking apart. The string was becoming undone, and the figures were completely oblivious to it.

A/N: This is a bit messy so I apologize for that, but I hope you enjoy it! The next chapter may be a little more happy and more eventful in a way. If you want to follow me on or anything then i'll leave it below:

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