Love In London • a Ross Lynch Fanfic [Book 1]

Chapter Sixteen

Thursday

Ross's POV

The house was completely silent. It wasn't a peaceful silence; it felt like it was heartbreaking. There was grief in the air. It was suffocating.

I have honestly never felt this useless. No, that's not the right word. I've never felt this big a sense of loss of control before. Tori needed my help, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say or what to tell her. I didn't know what she wanted to hear.

I myself have lost people in my life – like my grandpa who meant the world to me – but I have never came across a body. I've never had to do CPR to try and keep someone alive.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what Tori had to go through. It had to be pure torture.

I felt Tori shuffle around in my arms. She fell asleep about an hour ago - her rest was anything but peaceful. She was restless the entire time and it sounded like she was having nightmares.

I honestly had no idea what to do. I didn't know if I should wake her up or let her sleep. I don't know what I'm doing. This was the last thing I had expected to hear when Tori had called me.

I looked at Tori and noticed tears streaming down her face. She was whimpering and moving around in my arms.

"Tori," I said softly and ran my hand up and down her arm. "Baby," I shook her gently and her eyes snapped open.

Tori's POV

"Leave me alone!" Sam sobbed and yelled at me. I didn't know where I was. There was no background; no colour.

Sam was wearing the same clothes that she had been wearing when I found her. She was crying and clutching her chest. Sobs were escaping her mouth and her face was pinched up in distress.

"Sam, I don't know what-"

"Leave me alone!" came the blood-curdling scream again.

I woke up with a start.

"I know this is a stupid question, but are you okay?" Ross asked gently and, out of pure habit, I nodded immediately. He brought his hand up to my face and cupped my cheek. "You're pale," he stated, but I only blinked my eyes. "Tori, please talk to me-"

"I'm just tired from today," I said and he looked at me blankly.

"How about I make you some tea? You haven't had anything to eat or drink since I got here," Ross said and I sighed with a nod. He kissed my head and I followed him to the kitchen.

"What do you want to drink?" I asked Ross as I walked to the refrigerator.

"No, let me make you something. Do you want tea or coffee?"

"Tea, please," I said and sat down at the kitchen island. "I think I did something horrible," I whispered and Ross looked at me.

"What do you mean?" he asked as he switched on the kettle.

"Just before I left her house, her mom looked at me and asked 'this is my fault, isn't it?' And I couldn't tell her that it wasn't. What if I cause her to blame herself?" I asked as tears slipped down my cheeks.

"No, baby," Ross said and walked to me. "Please don't think like this. You're going to mentally kill yourself if you keep doing this," he said as he wiped my tears away.

"Maybe I deserved it. I knew there was something up with Sam-"

"No."

"I should have helped her-"

"Tori, no."

"She would still be alive if I had arrived ten minutes earlier," I cried out and looked down at the ground.

"No, she wouldn't have and I'm sorry to have to tell you that. What she did was her choice. She did that to herself and on her own. This is absolutely not your fault. Her parents were in the same house. Don't put this on you," Ross said sternly and a sob escaped my mouth as he pulled me into his arms.

Before I realised what I was doing I had my lips on Ross's moving them hurriedly, desperately in search for something good and positive. "Tori," he whispered sadly against my mouth and I shook my head.

"I don't want anything more than this. Just please help me take my mind away for ten seconds," I begged him and desperately looked in his eyes. He let out a sigh and nodded before I placed my lips on his again.

***

Later that night we were lying peacefully in bed. Ross was watching a movie, but my head was spinning and always busy. It's like I couldn't stop thinking; like my brain wouldn't take a break.

"Why are you doing all of this?"

"What do you mean?" he asked and I sighed.

"You know . . . all of this. A lot of guys would have already left. It's day one of our relationship and I'm a mess," I said and he paused the movie to look at me.

"I'm not like a lot of guys. I'm here because I want to be here and because I care about you," he said and I sighed. "I told that I'm not looking for a fling. I want to be here for you and support you and make you happy. I don't want to sleep with you," he said and my eyebrows shot up.

"You don't?" I asked. "That's offensive," I said, my voice breaking slightly and Ross looked at with wide eyes.

"No, that's not what I meant! I really do want to sleep with you. A lot," he said and I raised an eyebrow at him. "I- oh dear," he stuttered out before collecting himself. "I don't want to just sleep with you. I want to make you breakfast in the mornings and help you relax after a long day. I want to take you away on holiday. What I mean is that I want much more than just someone to sleep with," he clarified and I chuckled lightly at the situation.

"I know what you meant. I just decided to tease you a little," I shrugged and his face fell.

"That's was the most stressful thirty seconds of my life," he said honestly and I smiled innocently at him.

"You're adorable," I said before leaning up and placing my lips on his.

I knew my limits and I knew the kiss couldn't last long because I'd do something I'd regret. I lightly tugged on his hair that was intertwined with my fingers and he moaned softly into my mouth.

I slowly pulled away and he smiled at me. "Can I ask you a very personal question?" I asked and he nodded. "Are you a virgin?" I asked him and he nodded.

"I wanted to wait for the right girl. I know it sounds stupid, but I've always wanted to have my first time with someone I love," he said and I smiled at him.

"That's not stupid at all, Ross. I think the world needs a lot more guys like you," I sighed and traced patterns on his bare chest with my finger.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked and I swallowed before shaking my head.

"I wish I was though."

"Pretend like you are then. Our relationship is a new and clean slate," he said and I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah definitely," I said, though I could still feel it holding me back.

I wouldn't regret having lost my virginity – if it had only been my choice.