The More I See You (Stevens Book 5)

Chapter 13

When she walked into the kitchen at five the next morning the only person there was Davis. He stood looking out the large kitchen window, waiting for her. "Where are the others?" she asked.

"It's just us this morning," he said, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the back door.

"Davis, I don't think this is a good idea," she said, her voice lacking convection.

"Then, for once, don't think Laura. Give me the real you for the next two hours, that's all I ask."

He watched her, waiting for her to agree. Unable to say no, she nodded and when he grinned in pleasure she couldn't help but return it.

"There she is," he said, grabbing her hand and leading her down the steps and towards two saddled and waiting horses.

Silently, Laura followed his lead and mounted her horse, following him away from the house. They travelled for about thirty minutes before he stopped at the side of a creek and told her to get down. They walked across some stepping stones, and when the hit the other side of the tree lined creek there was a sharp drop off and below them it was as if you could see forever.

"This is the edge of the Hill Country, below you is the Edward's Plateau. It's so large you can see it from space. It is the most beautiful spot in the world to watch the sunrise." Davis laid out a blanket and offered her a hand to join him. It was still dark, but there was enough of a moon to see him by.

"I want to share one of my favorite things with you Laura." She sat down and watched as he pulled out a thermos from the saddle bag he had brought with him. He poured them both coffee and they sat in silence, the dark surrounding them.

"Why did you say you were sorry Laura, that day after lunch with your father?"

She should tell him, she was leaving so it didn't matter. "I felt I had let you down and I didn't want to."

"You didn't let me down Laura. I was displeased because you were hurting and there was nothing I could do about it." He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her.

"I didn't know that. How could I? No one has ever cared if I was hurting before."

"Why are you afraid to love me Laura?"

"My mother loved my father and it killed her," she said it so softly he had to strain to hear her.

"Laura, I'm sure-,"

"No Davis, he killed her. He was never a patient or kind man. He was abusive, especially to her. The things he would say...she loved him so much that she stayed and took the abuse, always trying harder to be who he wanted, to make him happy, and all at the expense of herself. That's what love is to me. One night they were arguing at the top of the stairs, they had just returned from a party at the Officers Club, and father was accusing her of having an affair with another man. Mother denied it, but he wouldn't believe her. He hit her again and again." Laura bit back a sob. It was the first time that she had ever told anybody the story. "I heard a scream then a few bangs, but I stayed in my room like she made me promise to do. She would say, when your father yells, no matter what you hear, stay in your room. Always stay in your room."

"After about half an hour it was still quiet, so I went to check on her, and that's when I found her in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs. I called for my father but he didn't come, and when I raced to the study to call for help he was sitting behind his desk, drinking a whisky watching me. I told him mother had had an accident but he seemed unconcerned, 'you should call for help then', he had said. I was afraid to reach for the phone, afraid it was a trap, he reached for it himself and handed it to me dialing 911. When the paramedics arrived he acted like the grieving husband and no one questioned it. A horrible accident, so unfortunate, widowed so young.

She took a shaky breath. "My mother loved him and because of that love she would do anything for him, take anything from him. I can't do that. I can't love like that, I won't let myself."

Davis was silent as he digested all that she had told him.

"I'm not worth it Davis, I couldn't turn my brother in and I couldn't turn my father in either. I let them get away with the most horrible crimes. Why would you even want me after knowing this?"

"Because I love you and none of it was your fault. You were a girl, you couldn't stand up to a man like your father, you still can't."

"Exactly, why would you want that?"

"The difference between us and your mother and father is that I love you and you love me. Your father didn't love your mother, he took and took and he never gave. I would give you the world if I could. If it were possible, I would take onto myself all of this pain, anger, and distrust that you feel. The way your mother felt about your father...that's the way I feel about you, and I know that that's the way you feel about me. It's not the same."

It sounded so good and she wanted to believe him, but she couldn't take the chance. She couldn't take the chance that she would hurt him or him her, and his family wouldn't be happy with the match, making it even more risky. One thing she was sure of was that he needed his family.

This would be the last time she saw him and she didn't want to fight. "I know you love me Davis," she said, turning to kiss him, and even though she couldn't say the words she could show him how much she loved him.

There, on a blanket under the early morning Texas sky she did, and as they lay there, watching the sunrise, she knew that this moment would be the last that they would ever be alone together. She heard the click of the camera and looked over her shoulder with a contented smile even though there was a touch of sadness in it.

Davis snapped the photo as she laughed. "You and your camera."

He grinned back and they dressed under the early morning sunshine then made their way back towards the Stevens homestead.

It was a memory she would cherish forever.