Submerged

Submerge 2

As I appoach my front door, rain starts to pelt hard against me,the wind's howling in my ear.Picking up my pace to avoid getting wetter,I run to the door,with Chaos in tow.Stepping inside and shaking off the rain,I call out" Jeremy we're back,are you up love?"Chaos prances about as I undo the leash from her collar and give her a pat on the head.As I turn to walk towards the bedroom.I call out again"Jeremy,hun are you up?You know we have alot to do.My voice dwindles off as I reach my bedroom door where I find Jeremy sitting quietly on the edge of the bed with the covers gathered in his lap staring at the television.Raising my voice I repeat"Did you not hear me when I called you why didn't you ansss......Ssssh!!!! says Jeremy  who interrupts as he faces me and motions a silencing finger to his lips.He then points to the television.Turning my attention to a man in a white lab coat standing behind a podium.I can see what appears to be a running header across the bottom of the tv screen which read Breaking news.I try to make out the smaller words running after this notice but I can't  without my glasses.Jeremy grabs my hand and pulls me to him.Never breaking my attention away from the t.v,I notice the atmosphere seems solemn and still. I see what appears to be white streaks of camera lights popping. Slowly I move closer to Jeremy's side to get a better view.Sitting I see Michael Jackson's name and my mouth goes dry,my heart drops and I go limp.My mind immediately flash back to my convo with Kiara about Michael,my breathing quickens.Pulling my legs under me and drawing myself into an upright fetal position.I then start to ring my hands.Jeremy reach around me and places his arm over my shoulder and pulls me yet closer to hug me and kisses me softly on my forehead.He whispers softly,"I'm so sorry babe".Pulling back sharply I look into his eyes as mine begin to fill with tears,my cheeks puff,my tummy turns upside down .My heart knows,my mind knows..I just need to hear it with my ears.Turning slowly back to the t.v. I  see a sea of cameras and flashing lights.A dark-haired man in a white lab coat shuffles papers when behind him steps Jermaine Jackson who is greeted with hugs as the doctor steps back and allows Jermaine up to the podium filled with microphones.Silence filled the room and with a bowed head Jermaine begins to speak.My brother the legendary king of pop Michael Jackson passed away on thursday,June25th 2009@2:26p.m..Before Jermaine could form another word,I start to cry uncontrollably,my mind not fully understanding the shock and horror of what it cannot process,my heart broke into a million pieces and I collapsed onto my bed in welts of tears,trembling.Jeremy knew how I would be effected by this tragedy.We'd  joked before on how since I was so crazy over Michael,I'd probably grieve more over him than my own husband.Of course jokingly I'd tell him that if he ever left me then I'd have no choice but to seek Michael.Who for me was precious,he is my first love .Jeremy always knew where my heart  belonged.But He also knew I loved him and he never asked me to change me .For him,Michael helped to make me the woman he fell in love with.This made me love Jeremy all the more.Now this husband tries in vain to hold me as I cry into my bedding.Jeremy pulls his body close to mine and turns me over to lay on his chest and says....."Go ahead baby,let it all out,I'm here "Enclosing me tightly in his long arms ,he rocks me as I pour out my heart.After  thirty minutes,I'm a sniffling mess....exhausted and weak,Jeremy gives me an ambien to calmly soothe me and I slump in his arms into a whimpering sleep.My surrounding fades to black.Sometime late in the night,I feel myself trying to wake,aroused by the touch of Jeremy's hand on my shoulder.He tenderly kisses the back of my neck and then begin to lightly massage my  back with long sweeping soft strokes,I moan and slightly shuffle.His hand then moves further down to stroke my thighs before touching my buttocks.First touching them tenderly,then grasping my cheek firmly with open fingers.He stops,his breath is heavy on my neck.He then pulls me back against his chest and snuggle me tight..It's useless fighting to wake.I'm still much too exhausted from my meltdown earlier ,so I slip back off to sleep.

Early the next morning,I stir in my bed hearing movement coming from  my kitchen.Turning over and stretching out my thin frame,I take in a deep breath and smell bacon.For a couple of minutes I lay still to collect my thougths and clear my head.Then I slowly get up and make my way into the kitchen where Jeremy's cooking breakfast.He looks up from scrambling eggs and says'Hello sleeping beauty,are you ready for breakfast?Frankly I'm not hungry Jeremy,thank you love.I sit at the breakfast table near a window and stare out into the morning sky.My memories of yesterday come tumbling back vividly and my eyes begin to fill with tears again.I don't know why I'm so affected in this manner,it's not like a member of my family died but then again it is exactly that.Michael has been a part of my life,my entire childhood.He is a member of my family and I feel like  a part of me is missing.How do I explain this to Jeremy?How do I move past this...Jeremy voice interrupts my thoughts when he asks.."Well if you're not hungry would you like coffee.You need something in your tummy."You're right,alittle coffee sounds great,thank you sweetheart,I say.Omg Jeremy I'd completely forgot all about our tickets,our flight..we need to call,I blurt..It's all taken care of Jade,I called and had our tickets changed which was a feat in itself,without losing money.But after I explained the circumstances they were very understanding" says Jeremy."Jeremy,thanks for being so supportive,I love you.Thanks for holding early this morning,it was really comforting',I say.Jeremy stops and looks directly to me and said"What do you mean,I got up around midnight to make some phone calls and didn't want to disturb you so I crashed on the sofa,I never came back to bed.you must have been dreaming babe."Pulling my dark  hair out of my face,I repeat Jeremy's words..dreaming!! I was dreaming, but it felt so real.I felt your lips,your hands touching me,it felt real.Handing me a cup of coffee,Jeremy gives me a wink and says is there something I should know? No I must have been dreaming as you've said.Taking a sip of coffee,I hear Wanna be startin something in the distance,instantly I know it's Kiara calling.Jeremy says I'll get it for you.No I'll get this.I must talk to her,she loved Michael as well.Answering  my phone,I hear Kiara sniffling and blowing her nose,I know she had a rough night as well.My tears start to flow again and we're both openly sobbing into the phone.Breaking our tears,I say,"Kiara I'm sorry I didn't call you last night,I hope you weren't alone".No, my sister would not leave my side all day,she stayed with me last night,how are you?",Kiara says.I'm as well as to be expected,I reply.Jeremy's been a godsend,so sweet. Kiara then says I must go,I must go,I mean I must come there,I must.I need to make arrangements to come there.I then say"But we don't know what's to happen now or if there'll be ....Kiara interrupts with."It doesn't matter love,we should be together,I want to see you and we'll celebrate and remember Michael.I'll call you with my flight plans later..okay love,bye. She hangs up and I turn to Jeremy and say..guess who's coming to visit???