Falling for you // Phan

Chapter 1

Before you read I would already like to say sorry about my grammar. But English is only my second language so yeah..

I walk with heavy steps to school. I don't wanna be there. I just wanna stay in my dark room. Forever. Never see the light again.
But I know I can't do that. I can't do what I want. I learned that when I was very young. Before a child is supposed to know.
I walk into the noise of kids everywhere. A lot of talking and laughing. A lot of people. Happy people. People who have never seen reality.
I keep my head low. If I look up I might have to talk with someone. And I'm not in the mood for human interaction. I never am.
Still looking down at the dirty ground I'm walking to class. Math.
I'm the first in there and I'm walking down in the back of the room and sit down. I know nobody would sit beside me. For them I'm air.
At time go by more and more people is coming to fill up the room.
All the noise. As more people come in it's getting worse. At last I nearly can't take it.
When our teacher come in I finally relax. Silence.
"Good Morning kids" he say sounding way to happy. It's not a good morning. I'm feeling terrible. Worse than normal.
I force myself to look up at our teacher. A man with grey hair. He nearly lost all of it. His belly is big but he's not fat.
I know he don't like me. Nobody does. But he HATE me. I don't know why. I'm probably just a person you hate.
"Daniel" his voice wake me up from my thoughts and pull me back to reality.
I look up at him to show that I heard him.
"Show us how to solve this math problem"
He hate me. I'm sure.
I stand up and walk slowly up to him.
I'm actually not bad at math. But because of our teacher I have no motivation.
"Uhm... F... First you do divide 572 with... Uhm... 6..." I get nervous. I can't speak in front of people.
I can hear some laugh in the background. I try to avoid hearing it but I can't.
"And then?" I realize that I stopped.
"Then you multiply the result with... 5" I stop myself. Realize that I'm wrong. I can't be more wrong.
I try to finish it. And when I'm finally done I nearly run back to my seat. Trying my best to not break down. I can't cry now. They will see me. Judge me. Laugh at me.
When the class is finally over I nearly run out of the room. I'm walking against the bathroom. There I can be alone. Alone. Sometimes I don't wanna be alone. But I have no one. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to trust.
When I'm finally alone I break down. The tears is running down on my chins. I have to stop. They may not see me.
I wipe the tears of my chins but stay here for a couple of minutes. What if somebody comes in? They would see me. See my pain. They would judge me.
I finally open the door and walk out of the toilets. What is the next class? Physics.
I walk trough some of the small hallways so I can avoid all the people.
"Howell" I hear someone say behind me. Not them. Not again. Not today. I can't take it.
I keep on walking. Pretending I can't hear them.
"Don't pretend you didn't hear us" My heart beats faster as they're coming closer.
I can hear one of them run. I know what's going to happen. And I don't know if I can take it today. I can't take the pain.
One of them is up beside me and push me up at the wall.
"You can't hide from us gay boy" he nearly spit in my face. Gay boy is a name they gave me for about a year ago. I don't even know if I'm actually gay. I guess not. But It don't bother me anymore.
I don't answer. He don't deserve an answer.
"Come on. Say something" I keep my mouth shut.
Before I know it I'm laying bleeding on the ground. They're all around me. Kicking me. Hurting me.
I'm still quiet. I won't give them the satisfaction. But every kick hurt. More and more. Until I can't take the pain.
Finally I can see them walk away.
I just lay on the ground. Sobbing. Hurt.

After at least five long minutes I try to stand up. My back hurts but I make it.
I got the biggest headache and everything is turning.
I try to walk but I fall again and hit the cold hard ground again.
I'm bleeding from my nose and I got bruises everywhere.
I try to crawl over to the wall and get up. Then I slowly walk over to the nearest toilet which is not that far away.
Pain. I should probably be used to it by now. But I'm not. And they're getting worse every time.
I can finally see the toilet. On the other side of the hall. What am I gonna do now?
I try to take a step away from the wall. And then another one. I can't reach the wall anymore but I'm standing.
Everything is turning. Way faster than before.
I know I'm walking worse than a drunk man. But I'm walking.
I'm not sure it have been so bad before. Except from that one time where I fainted.
I'm finally at the bathroom door.
I can't help it but feel a little proud when I open the door.
I walk over to the mirror. The boy who stand on the other side doesn't look like me. His brown hair is a mess, his eyes is filled with tears, he's covered in blood, he have bruises everywhere. He looks broken. He have given up.
"That can't be me" I begin to cry again. Cry. I have a lot of reasons to cry. Way to many. I can't take the pain anymore. Physically or mentally.
I can see the red blood drip down from my nose. I can see it fall down in the white sink and leaves it's marks.
I try to clean it. That's nearly a daily routine by now. Either here or at home. Home. I don't wanna go home to my dad. I can't take him today. I can't take more pain.
I'm done with my face and take a last look in the mirror. My hair is still messy and is beginning to curl a little. Oh god. I hate when it curls. Luckily I don't have blood dripping from my nose anymore.
And my eyes. They look back at me with fear. They look lost.
I won't even look at my back now. I know it's bad.
I can't stay here the rest of the day. But I can't go home.
I try to walk. It's going better. But not good.
I walk out on the hallway and lean up against a locker. I have no idea how I to make it all the way home.
I can see a couple of girl walk past. They don't even look at me.
Come on. You have to move on.
I continue walking. But it's going slow. Very slow.
You can't stop.
With the support of the lockers I make it outside of the school. Now I only have two long kilometers home.

So this was the first chapter (yay)