Saudade

Prologue

Emma

Being the most sought after girl in school pleased me. Watching guys stare after me as I walked the hallway made me smile. I needed the attention to fuel my ego, to boost my confidence. Most of all I needed to feel wanted.

As I passed a group of seniors on my way to class I couldn't help but smile.

'Damn, she's hot'

'I'm going to get her number'

'No chance bro, I'll get it first'

'Emmmmaaaaaa' Nicole my best friend screamed after me just as one of the handsome seniors started to approach me. She stared him down that he actually backed away.

'Girl you are one heck of a cock blocker'

'Ohh am I' Nicole giggled 'He'll be drooling after you in a few days Emma'

'Update me babe'

'There is a new guy joining our class today and I hear he's hot.' she sang the last part in soprano

'New blood I see'

'Can I be honest with you Emma, you really need to stop this'

'Stop what?'

'Being an idiot. You can't just date guys and dump them after a month. Don't you have feelings?'

'Feelings for what? Men are just going to play you and then leave. None of them even care if you're hurt.'

Let's rewind to what made me a girl with no feelings, a girl who built walls that were impenetrable.

I fell in love at 15. Deeply and madly. I imagined a future for us. I even named our kids. I thought nothing could break us. It was like a fairytale. I thought it was true love. The words he said. The look in his eyes, everything was so perfect. I wanted him to be my first and he wanted the same from me. He said he'll wait for me till when I'm ready. Until I walked in on him sleeping with another girl at a party the same night he said all this to me. On seeing me he didn't even try to cover up or say anything. All he said was 'You were never good enough for me and I never loved you'

The hurt I felt as he put his clothes nonchalantly and walked away from me as if nothing happened, and to rub it in that bitch smirked as she said ' Don't cry sweetheart, I've got your man and he's never coming back. It's good you finally found out how worthless you are'. I wanted to slap her but I could not seem to move as my eyes clouded with tears. I just dropped to the floor and cried. I was hoping this was just a nightmare but the cold truth was that this is reality and I had to face it.

From that moment I stopped believing in true love. I stopped showing my vulnerability. I stopped being the caring girl I once was. I wanted to reassure myself that I was in charge. This is the reason I started dating guys and dumping them. I never stayed in a relationship for more than a month. I would never give myself to a guy. All because I was scared to love, scared to be torn apart again.

No one could break my walls.

And then I met him........