Last Hope

Ciel rolled onto his side and curled into a ball, pulling the duvet over his head. It was twisted around him in uncomfortable knots, but it was the closest thing to his arms, so the boy left it be. The sheets, bar himself and the pillows surrounding him, were empty. He was empty. He was cold and he was fragile, without his lover he was cracked china ready to break. His lover... Oh, Sebastian, how dearly he misses his Sebastian.

Sebastian was tall and Sebastian was strong, he was strong enough to kill but he would still sweep Ciel up into his gentle arms and hold him snugly, press kisses into his hair, even if it was matted with sweat. Sebastian was the glue that held his broken porcelain together, but now he was gone, away at war. And Ciel was a hollow shell of a human without him. He hated being so weak and dependent, needing Sebastian for everything, whether it be reaching something on the high shelf or calming him down from a nightmare, cleaning him and peppering him in gentle kisses after sex. But he couldn't help himself. Ciel was just this broken before Sebastian came in his life, and he would forever be broken, because Sebastian's letters stopped coming a year ago. He couldn't stop himself from thinking, mind wandering and thinking about what it must be like to be in Sebastian's place. What it must've felt like to die like that- blown to fucking bits, innards scattered across the dirt fields, blood seeping into the frozen ground-

Ciel sighed once more, though it was more audible this time, and slowly sat up. The movement made his head pound, but he ignored it. He stood on unsteady legs and wrapped the blanket around him, holding it close to his frail body. Going to the window, he leaned against the sill, staring at the sky. It was hot outside, even though it was near ten in the evening. It was the middle of August, after all. The stars twinkled and shined brightly. The sight was comforting and he felt a little less alone.

He used to go star gazing with Sebastian.

Memories of curled up to his side and laying in the cool grass flash through his mind. Staring up at the stars and laying in comfortable silence. Clutching his hand or petting his hair, his attention wandering to the older, which happened more often than it should, staring up at him dreamily and blushing when Sebastian caught him looking. Talking about anything and nothing, because it didn't matter when he talked to Sebastian, accidentally falling asleep and waking up back in their bed, the blankets draped over their two bodies, the bedside lamp still on, Sebastian's chest rising and falling steadily in rhythm to his breathing...

His chest hurts again.

Ciel looks down at his knobby knees, and sees where they protrude, pushing at the thick blanket draped around him. He ate less when Sebastian left. The twenty year old often just didn't eat whatsoever. While his bones stick out, it really isn't as horrific to others as it seems to him. He forces himself to not gag when he pulled the blanket away to stare at his hipbones, his ribs, every joint in his body sticks out, and it's absolutely fucking disgusting- he's absolutely fucking disgusting-

There's movement directly above the sill of the window, and he looks up from his trembling fingers to see someone pacing on the sidewalk in front of his house.

It makes Ciel nervous. The frame is slender and tall. It seems to be male. They're wearing a baggy hoodie with the hood pulled up, and black skinny jeans. He can't quite tell what shoes, but then he reminds himself that he doesn't much care. He wrenches himself away from the window, and back to bed, though, instead of laying, he sits. Ciel sits with the duvet wrapped around his shoulders and pulled over his head, staring at a dusty corner in the wall. He should really clean up- sweep and vacuum, put away the dishes sitting in the dishwasher..

The thought of doing anything like this makes his head hurt worse. His phone rings and he can't suppress the little yelp that escaped him in surprise. His phone hadn't gone off in months.

Text from: Unknown
10:03 PM
i'm here

Text from: Unknown
10:03 PM
come outside

Ciel reads the texts a few times over. He contemplates why he should and why he shouldn't go outside. What was the worst that would happen, really? If he was killed, at least he'd be with Sebastian again. So, he steps into his shoes, drops the blanket in favor of his favorite sweatshirt (it was technically Sebastian's, but still). The heat hits him, and he feels hot on the outside, yet still cold and hollow on the inside.

Text from: Unknown
10:05 PM
in front of your house

Where the weird pacing guy was? Ciel went to where the anonymous text said, slipping his phone in his pocket. When he looked up, he found he could see the hooded figure much easier. The streetlight flooded onto his face when he put the hood down, and Ciel's heart genuinely paused in his chest, before racing to make up for the lost beats.

Sebastian.

A sob tears from his throat. He's here, he's here, his rock and his lover and his glue and his everything, he's here. The boy forgets his knobby knees and the way they clank together awkwardly when he walks, he ignores the tremors running through the entirety of his body, and he launches himself into Sebastian's arms. Sebastian catches him without fail, wrapping his strong and sturdy arms around him and holding him tight.

He sobs into Ciel's hair, clutching him, shaking violently. "Ciel, Ciel, Ciel."

Ciel's arms, his little, shaking, weak arms, wrap around Sebastian's neck and he cries. He cries, he cries until hiccups are leaving him, and Sebastian had calmed, but he's still fucking crying, he can't stop. Sebastian sniffles, breathing calming.

Carefully, he scooped Ciel up, holding him to his broad chest, carrying him inside. Once the door was closed, the man leans back against it and slowly slides to the ground. "Shh, baby, don't cry. Everything's okay. I'm here now."

Somehow, the words make him cry harder, and Ciel is back to sobbing without stop into Sebastian's chest. He clutches the hood of the man's jacket tightly in his fists, adjusting to straddle his lap. "Do-Don't l-leave... Please... Don't le-leave me agai-n...."

The first time Sebastian heard Ciel's voice in years, and it sounded so broken and hollow compared to his memory of his voice. It used to be full of life and somewhat flirtatious. Now it's a broken sob, his voice cracking halfway through. It broke his heart, and he held Ciel tighter, kissing the top of his head. "I'm not leaving ever again," he reassured Ciel, one hand moving to cup his chin, tilting his head up. Sebastian looked at him like Ciel hung the moon, adoration clear. "My sun and my stars.." He leaned in and pressed their lips together, and they kissed with a desperation that pulled the air straight out of the man's lungs.

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so this is my first post since my tobuscus fanfiction phase, hopefully this was a little better than what those were. using this is hard to get used to after using ao3 for so long so hopefully this isn't shit