THIS SHIT IS FIRE

I don't even know .

She was beautiful, she was breathtaking. She was a girl you just couldn't look at once. Even now when I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat still haunted by that beautiful smile. I miss her, I miss us. Our relationship hadn't been bad, in fact it was great . We almost never fought and she was practically the only thing I cared about, but everyone knows how this tale goes. School gets in the way, jobs, actually just life in general. Then boom you have no time for each other.

She was trying to become a surgeon and me being me I wanted to teach. I had taken up trying to become a 4th grade English and language arts teacher. She was much greater than anything I hoped to be. She was so much better than me in every aspect. I tried, I really tried hard but we were just never meant to be . It's simple actually she was meant to be my first love and only that. So it ended kind of badly I suppose .

We got into a huge argument, about having no time for each other. I had known for along time that when we had this conversation I had to end it. I was holding her back. So I did, I ended it, and she cried, and screamed. She kept repeating over and over how she didn't want me to go. I had already made up my mind by then. I still can't get her crying face out of my mind. How her hair was a mess and in her face, how she had circles of Red around her eyes from crying so much. Or how the tears just kept falling, never stopping. Even today I still feel like I made the right choice, leaving her. Even though her face, smile, tears still follow me every time I close my eyes. I just miss the way that her auburn hair would blow into her face and slightly stick to her apple flavored lip gloss. She was like the moon able to light up something in pitch darkness.

I'm honestly a different person today because of her. Even now 6 years later and surprise I'm a 4th grade teacher. I try my best but she's still everywhere . Even in my apartment, I still have the candle that makes my house smell of fresh apples. And I just keep re-buying it over and over again. Even how she loved my rainbow glasses and my Darth Vader coffee cup. She follows me everywhere even in my dreams, but I know she's doing good now. She has a baby named justin, he has her auburn hair and green eyes. She's been married to a man named Henry for a year now. She moved on and here I am trying to be the best teacher I can be. I have nothing else going for me except my career, no spouse, no kids. I'm 30 and I still live in apartment wishing I hadn't let her go. I needed to move on but that's easier said than done.