f i f t y - o n e

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"sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. until something makes you feel again...and then it all comes back. every word, every hurt, every moment. my past defines me, this is who i am, i am unseen, unheard, unwanted. that is what i am, if even i am anything. deeper and deeper i fell within myself and nothing can show me out. how could you ever understand where i come from? even if you ask, even if you listen. you do not really hear, or see, or feel. you don't remember my story. you haven't walked my path, you haven't seen what i've seen. trapped in the misery of my life. lost in the sorrow of my soul. nothing was how it was supposed to be and a heavy sadness filled my soul. and maybe you wonder why but mostly you try not to think about it and try to survive. i wish someone would tell me it's all going to be okay, that one day, maybe i'll feel normal. then i'll have a mommy who will hug me and be strong for me. i know i am helpless, i can't do it all by myself." 

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