It Was Just a Dream

I Was Able To Help

A/N: This was a dream I've had this morning. When I woke up, I immediately began writing it down, to never forget it again. But my mind was a little confusing at the time, so I advise you to read slowly, because I've heard it takes a while to understand. If you have questions, you can ask me in PMs or in the comments. It took me 2 hours to put this into words, so I hope you all enjoy it and possibly learn something.

I love this dream.
This dream where one girl is in a classroom.
I don't remember her name, or that she even had a name, or what she looked like.
But I do remember that she was flirting with the other girls when the teacher called her out on it.
The teacher then proceeds to scold her in front of the class and give a lecture on how same-sex relationships is wrong.
Now, this girl would change from every dream I last had her. Last one, she was a slut in my mind, whom I wanted nothing to do with, but every one always came to the same conclusion. Her backstory.
But I'm not a girl IN the story, I'm just some third person observer. It felt like reading a book, though. Anyway, supposedly while the teacher's gone, something prompts her to explain "why she does this", it could've been some girl in the room asking or she was answering to my thoughts, but she then took a moment to explain her story, her reasons, it was something that actually made sense. My dream then enters some sort of neon-colored-silouhette screen. Everything's black but the green (the boys) characters and the purple (the girl) character. But I should mention how, I'm so far into the story, I've actually forgotten any quotes I may have heard, I'm going off my feelings during the dream, they're actually pretty accurate. Okay, so there's about 3 green figures following our girl. She starts to narrate like, 'When I was young, all I wanted to do was make people feel happy and secure about their bodies' The green surrounds purple.
'I was once a victim and I remember how horrible I felt.' The purple fades to a brown and the green turns into one blue silouhette, a scream is heard from the girl and everything goes back to black before showing brown once again, presumably looking into a gray and transparent mirror. 'Everything was miserable and I didn't know what to do with myself.'
The reflection turns red.
'Should I hate them?'
Then to blue.
'Should I hurt them?'
The girl sat down and cried.
'I wanted to do neither.' The girl looked up 'Maybe...'
She stands.
'Maybe I could put this behind me.' She puts on a jacket and brushes a hand through her hair lovingly.
'I'm still here,'
Brown to yellow.
'I'm still standing,'
Yellow to lime green.
'I survived.'
Lime green to light blue.
'And I'm still smiling.'
Light blue to pink.
'I'm still me.'
Pink to faded purple.
She smiled.
That smile soon faded.
'But...I'm not the same.'
She looks down at her hands.
'I've felt pain. I've felt rage. Two things I've never had to worry about before now. But...I've dealt with it. I can still deal with it. So...yeah.'
She looks up.
'I'm NOT the same,'
Faded purple to white
'I'm better.'
Her hands are on her hips before the screen fades out and shows her walking in a cycle with three green figures following her. 'After that, I wanted nothing to do with hate' One of the boys joins the girl and they hold hands. 'I wanted to love.' The boy leaves, another comes 'I wanted to NEVER feel grief again.' He takes a step and she shoves him and pauses. 'But...' Her hands come to her mouth as she looks down at the crying boy. 'You can't have one without the risk of the other...' She pulls him up and hugs him. 'I knew my days of loving without pain were over,' They wave to eachother as he leaves and another joins. 'But I also knew' He walks closer 'I could still make them feel loved.' She holds his hand. He pulls away and walks closer. 'I soon found out that not all of them wanted love.' Flashes of different guys with her were shown. 'Some would cry.' They were hugging. 'Some would hide.' She put her hand on his shoulder. 'Some would be worse than I thought.' She reaches toward his hand, he doesn't take it and looks away. 'But most' He shoves her down. 'Most were already too far gone...' It fades to black. 'I knew what I was doing was dangerous.' She's just walking now. 'I would get hurt sometimes, that made sense, but other times...' She stops to wave at some guy. 'Other times I could help them.' 'So I didn't stop.' She continues walking. 'No matter all the names I got called at school,' She stops to stare around her. There were names scratched all over the walls; Slut, whore, hoe, cheater...'They didn't matter,' They all fade and she goes back to walking. 'Because I knew they weren't true.' She starts to walk proudly for a while until she slows down. 'But one day...' There's a faded brown girl on the ground. 'One day I was called something no one's ever said before.' She bends down to pick her up and cuddle her. "Helper."
It fades.
'Ever since then,' She's walking again, but with 3 pink girls following her, calling her scratched-out names. 'I've realized the ones who really needed my help' She looks behind her. 'Were the ones who tried to hurt me.' It zooms in on one pink girl and her. 'I noticed...' She wipes her hand on her cheek to reveal covered brown. 'They were hurt worse than I was.' Brown buries her head in her chest and sobs, white is still. 'After all this time, I thought they were the bad guys. The ones who were jealous or just insensitive. But I think...' She hugs back but still looks forward. 'That they must've never recovered like I did.' White looks down.
'I couldn't let go...'

'I saw a cycle.'

'That every girl who has suffered,'

'Wants to hurt them back.'

'But every boy who has suffered,'

'Wants to hurt them back, too.'

'I'm glad I chose not to.'

'Not to hate them and not to hurt them.'

'So I helped them.'

'Guys AND girls.'

'Everyone was a different color,'

'A different state of mind.'

'Did I get hurt in the process?'

'Yes.'

'Do I regret it?'

'Never.'

'But did I find what I was looking for?'

'...'

'What was I looking for?'

'What it comfort?'

'Confirmation?'

'Love?'

'...'

'Yeah.'

'It was love.'

'And I did find it.'

'I found it in every soul I helped'

'But most of all,'

'I found it in one being in particular.'

'Her.'
A tan silouhette.

'She was plain'
Doing nothing.
'She was ordinary'
Looking like nothing.
'She could never stand out in a crowd.'
Seeming like nothing.
'And that's why I loved her.'

...

Feeling like nothing.

'There was'

'So much neglect'

'So much sadness'

'So much pain'

'But not like my pain'

'She just...'

'Felt like nothing.'

'I wanted to hug her'
So she did.
'To tell her she was worth something'
So she did.
'To show her I cared'
She kissed her.
'So I did.'

'And I was able to help.'

And that was the first dream that ever woke me up in tears.