Her Suicide

Chapter 2

Warning: This chapter contains self-harm and suicide. If you don't like these types of things, skip it.

I was sitting in my room, laying on my bed, while thinking about all this. About how my life turned out. I thought about how ugly I am, how pathetic and dumb I am. I thought about all the pain I am receiving, the hateful words, the physical abuse.

All of it.

And as I thought about all that, I figured I can't hold on any longer. I am weak. I have had enough of this. This is too much.

It was enough pain dealing with my parents' divorce, but adding to it the bullying, dad's new habits, and the insecurity, it became too much to handle.

And as I thought about all this, I also thought about my friends. About my best friend, who tried her best to stand up for me, to defend me. But they started bullying me in private, and threatened that they will make it much worse if I tell anyone, even Lana, my best friend, who'd been with me through thick and thin, through sickness and health.

I thought about my mom, and how she's obvious to all this. She doesn't know about my bullying. Not about my depression, not about my insecurity. Not that I am suicidal. Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

She thought I was happy, when I was sad. She thought I loved everyone, while I hated all people, except countable ones. She thought I lived life to the fullest, when I was empty inside.

I wiped my eyes which were now pouring out tears uncontrollably, not knowing exactly when they even started.

I went to the bathroom in my room, and looked at the blade, who seemed to be my only friend now.

I held it with shaky fingers, contemplating my decision. There was a voice telling me not to do it, that I had yet to die, but the demons in my head were screaming at me to end it all.

I wanted to shut them up, kill them, but how could I without killing myself?

I thought about my life. If that's how it's always going to be, then I don't want it.

A paper and a pen in my hand, after having made my decision, I started with my suicide note...

"If you're reading this, then I am already dead. Or more specifically, I already killed myself. If this is my mom reading, then this is for you:" my hand shook as I wrote, "I am sorry you had to see me like this, I swear, I wasn't going to commit suicide, but it was just too much to handle. The depression, the insecurity, the bullying at school, your divorce, my dad's new addiction... I am sorry you have to learn all this after my death, but maybe this is for the best. I love you. You're the best mother on this entire planet.

If this is dad reading, then this is for you: I am sorry I am not the daughter you always wished you had, the one you'd walk down the aisle on her marriage day. I am sorry I couldn't make your dream reality, because I will be dead when you read this. I hope my death will be the alarm clock that wakes you up from your addiction to these death sticks you call cigarettes and these bottles of poisoned water you call drinks to a new love, a new life, a new wife. I love you, dad.

If this is Lana reading, this is for you: You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for, and I am sorry you're going to find out these things now, after my death. Lana, the bullying never stopped, they just did it in private, and threatened me so I couldn't tell anyone. They're sick, Lay-Lay," I called her by the nickname I always used to irritate her, "the bullies are. Don't let them do anything bad to you, and if they ever did, inform the police, they'll take care of it. I am so sorry, Lana, that I was a shitty friend. I hope you find true love, and a great best friend, someone who will take care of you when you need them. Never forget our memories together, good and bad. I love you so much.

If this Marissa, this is for you: Divorce him, Marissa. He doesn't deserve you. Don't take the same path I took. You're still young, you still have a full life ahead of you. Move on from him. Love someone who will love you back, not an addict. Go find life, and live it. Stand up for yourself. You're not alone. You can talk to mom, she'll help you, I'm sure. But please, don't let him do that to you, you're worth so much more. I know you're going to think 'why didn't she take that advice instead of committing suicide?', but, Marissa, I've already lived my life. There's no purpose of me staying here anymore. Please, Marissa, believe me. I love you, we all do."

After placing the paper on the table beside my bed, I held the blade in my hand and whispered 'death, I am ready' before I cut the first cut which led to many more. Blood poured out of my wrist as I took the pen, got blood on it, and signed my name at the end of the paper, and as I did, I knew there was no going back now. I chose this path, and I'll walk it to the end.

I saw them in front of me. I saw my bullies. They were strangling me, but it all was a piece of my imagination.

"I hate you!" I whispered to the image of them. "I hate you with every cut I'm cutting, with every fiber of my body, with every piece of my soul, with every cell in my heart. I hate you!"

And as the cuts started getting deeper, my hatred for them started increasing, until it consumed me to a point it became everything I could feel.

But I also saw them. No, not my bullies. I saw my family. Mom and dad were holding hands as he comforted her while she was crying. Marissa was smiling at me a thankful smile while crying. But Lana, she was looking at me with pleading eyes, tears pouring out of them, mouthing 'please, for me'. I didn't, not in my whole life, think that I will ever betray those sky blue eyes that held a promise that said forever, but now it was too late. And as their image started getting away, I smiled at her, a real smile.

You'll move on, I know it.

I started taking pills, 1 pill, 2 pills, 3 pills, 4... 10... 20... 30 pills. I am screaming, sobbing, thinking of what I've became. With 10 cuts, and 30 pills, I'm ready to die. Laying on my blood-stained bed, I'm feeling dizzy. My suicide note in my hand, I am ready to give my last breath and I am whispering, "Forgive me god... Forgive me for what I'm doing... Forgive me..."

And it all went black...

Word count: 1190

Finally, chapter 2! Hope you liked this chapter! It was longer than the others, so I wish it made up for the short chapters before. I'm sad to inform you that this story will end shortly. We have one chapter left and then the epilogue. I know it was obvious it's going to end, because its category is short story, but I'm still sad. :( But don't worry, I will come back with a lot of short stories. Hope you will give them a try. And also, please vote, 'cause by doing it, you're telling me you like the story, which will encourage me to write more. With that said,

Until next update, love and kisses to all you beautiful readers.

-Crazywriter1 xoxo