The Doctor's Mistress (Doctor Who Fanfiction) - Watty Awards 2012

XV - I Will Survive... Barely

NEW RULE! 3 VOTES FOR NEXT CHAPTER!!!

(A/N: So, I'm really disapointing on the number of votes I've been getting, that's why I haven't been posting as often - I've also been extremely busy, but I usualy make time to post. So that's why I'm instoring a new rule for "The Doctor's Mistress". If you want a new chapter, click the button!!)

I Will Survive... Barely

I was completely depressed. Even more depressed than I was after I left the Doctor. I was on the verge of tears all the time and the slightest mention of anything doctor related made me burst. Those intense clear green eyes in my mind were driving me crazy. I was unable to sleep at all. I cut out the TARDIS blue streaks out of my hair and threw my TARDIS dress at the bottom of my closet. All the unfinished paintings of the Doctor and whatever I saw while with him where thrown in the trash and I spent my days laying on the couch, wrapped in my blanket.

Jess didn't understand what was happening to me. Who was the woman who was here 2 months ago. And I believed she was scared for me.

As my manager, she was insisting I paint again or at least show up at a social event time to time, but as a friend, she didn't know what to do. She would sit next to me on the couch, wrapped and arm around my shoulders and turn on the TV.

Though I spent my days on the couch, I didn’t gain any weight - I had lost a few pounds actually - since I refused to eat. I was unable to eat. My appetite was permanently gone. I forced myself to eat time to time, knowing the Doctor would be extremely disappointed if he came back to find I starved myself to death, but it made me think of the Doctor and how he wouldn't come back anyways, making me cry for at least an hour after every meal I had. 

Everything was going wrong. So so wrong! I had become a zombie and not the cool ones you see in the movies. No. A lifeless, motionless, barely alive zombie.

One after noon, I was lying on the couch, watching a rerun of Grey's anatomy I had already seen one thousand times... It reminded me the time I went to Seattle with the Doctor and we ended up in a Hospital because I cut my leg real bad...

"Ok, I've had it with this!" Jess stormed into the room.

I lazily lifted my head up to look at her with a blank expression.

"With what?" I said as expressionless as my face.

"This! You! Zera, it's a guy! I don't care if he was Harry freakin' Potter or Gandalf the fucking Grey! It's a guy! And no guy, no guy on this bloody planet is worth sitting around and mopping over for 2 months! I could understand at the beginning, but now it's just ridiculous! Get off your ass, woman!" she ranted.

I thought to myself that he wasn't from this bloody planet like she said, but that would have been a useless comment and I preferred not to speak when I could avoided it. I starred at her blankly and turned back to the TV. I knew she was going to blow and tell me all this eventually and I was prepared to ignore her.

She sighed exasperatedly and turned off the TV.

"Hey, I was watching that," I complained.

"No, you're listening to me now!" she ordered.

She got on her knees to be at my height to look me in the eyes. It reminded me of when the Doctor did that when I was a little girl...

"Zera, I have always been crazy jealous of you," she admitted.

I widened my eyes in surprise.

"What?"

"Yes, because you always had a courage that I didn't have. The courage to stand out from the crowd and to do whatever the Hell you felt like doing. But now, I have never seen you be so weak and cowardly! Staying inside, on the couch watching TV night after night, scared to get up and go on with your life. You are not the Zera I know and am proud to be her friend."

Her words where a bit of a wakeup call, as if I've been asleep for the last 2 months. I realized what I was doing and how selfish it was of me thinking there was nothing worse than being me right then. I sat up and looked at Jess.

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

She smiled to see she had made an impact and jumped up.

"I've got an idea!" she announced and ran over to our radio. I was curious has to what she could possibly be doing when she put a CD in and I heard the first note. I knew right away what it was.

Jess walked back towards me, singing the song as if she was singing it to me.

"At first I was afraid! I was petrified! Keep thinking I could never live without you by my side..." she gestured for me to join in.

I shook my head no, but she took my hands and pulled me up off the couch. She started dancing and singing dramatically over the top and I couldn't help but smile for the first time in mouths. Never, oh never! Have I seen her act as silly as at this moment.

She jumped up the catch and pointed at me while bobbing her head.

"So now you're back from outer space! I just came in to find you hear with that sad look upon your face!" I sang.

"I should have changed my stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key if I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me!" I finally cave in and joined.

I jumped up on the couch and we belted out the song and dance until finally one of the neighbors complained. We fell back down seated on the couch, unable to stop laughing like two crazy women. I then realized how hungry I was and made some mac and cheese for me and Jess.

We were sitting at the table, still laughing about earlier and saying stupid stuff. I couldn't remember the last time me and Jess have been so close and I felt so happy.

I was over it - well, maybe not completely, but give me some time! I kept repeating in my head 'screw the Doctor!' even though I knew I never really meant it.

Once we finished eating and the pot was cleaned, we sat at the table and talked so more.

"You know what we're doing tonight?" she smiled devilishly.

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

"Going to the pub!" I said and got her feet and pulled me to her room where we spent a good hour running around in bra and panties, deciding what to wear and doing our makeup, playing "I will survive" in a loop.