BLINDSPOT | BWWM

-v-

Serenity

I hated being clumsy. How can I pretend to be invisible when I was always tripping over my feet or spilling things? I scrubbed the mustard stain on my gray sweater with a wet wipe. One of my many unwritten rules was to avoid messy foods at work but the sandwich Ireland grabbed for me at the deli in our building was drowning in mustard.

"Serenity, you busy?"

My hand stopped abruptly and I looked up to see Lincoln walking toward my desk. "No," I said, wringing the wet wipe in both hands.

"Ireland told me she wasn't feeling well and you guys went home early on Friday." That wasn't exactly how it went but I nodded anyway.

"I wish we could have hung out some," he added with a closed lipped smile. I mirror him and smiled back in the same way.

"So listen, I have an invitation for a restaurant opening in midtown on Wednesday. It's a Thai-Mexican fusion place," my eyebrows shoot up and he chuckled awkwardly. "Do you think you might want to go with me," he asked timidly.

My brain stalled, something that I should be used to but somehow I still wasn't. It sort of felt like a railroad gate came down inside my head and I was stuck in one spot while a train of thoughts flew past me at full speed. I had a hard time grasping the right ones to verbalize.

No sounded rude. Yes sounded eager. Did I even want to go? Not really.

"Sure," I said robotically.

"Seriously?" He sounded shocked. He gave me a big boyish smile and clapped his hands together. I nodded and tried smiling back. My lips were tight and I wasn't sure if it came off like a grimace.

"Awesome, I'll pick you up after work on Wednesday around 7. Email me your number and address."

Lincoln almost skipped out of my office. He looked giddy as hell while I sat and stared at the door he just exited from feeling like I was going to puke.

I told myself that I wanted to try new things and take risks and here I was doing it. So why did it feel like an awful idea? Deep down in my gut I had a sick feeling and it wasn't excitement or the flutter of butterflies. It was heavy and grated on my nerves.

I tried to look on the brighter side of things. The process of becoming accustomed to different people and places might be long and hard and tedious but at least I was trying. I didn't feel any spark at all for Lincoln. Then again, who knew what could happen if I got to know him more.

Life wasn't a fairy tale. There was no love at first sight, no tether that pulled two people together.  Lincoln and I's compatibility would always be up for debate unless I took some time to get to know him outside of our office. We could end up having a great time. Maybe I'd have an easy time talking to him in the same way I did with Rylan.

I'd thought a lot about our long conversation on Blindspot the other day. I found out we both shared the same love for 90s pop culture and we reminisced about the things we loved from our childhood for hours. Lincoln and I could have things in common. We were both designers who worked right down the hall from each other. That was a start.

The thought of Rylan had me clicking my bookmarked Blindspot link. When we last spoke, I'd somehow forgotten that he was an actual flesh-bearing person. Typing to him on a computer was easy and I hoped maybe it could translate to real date practice. But I wasn't an idiot, I knew it couldn't be that simple. After all, Blindspot had a logout button for when communication got tough. I wished I had a logout button for everyday life. How convenient would that be?

An alert telling me that I had new message popped up on my screen. Rylan. I clicked the alert and read the message.

Hello Ren,