Pieces

Regrets

Many thanks and appreciation to Charlotte for beta reading this chapter for me. 
Also, thanks to Ruth for encouraging me to continue to explore this story and keeping me on the straight and narrow! 

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"You know that I'm falling for you. I've never felt this way about anyone before.
I want us to be together."
"James, I don't know what to say..."
"You do know what to say. Say yes."
"I..."
"We've had fun the last few weeks, haven't we? Then let's continue, only, now, I'll be having fun with my girlfriend."

Sang blushed, unsure of what to say next. Yes, she had fun with James. It was 'different.' For once, she just didn't feel quite as lonely. It was nice being able to have a purpose. To have someone who wanted to spend time with her. Someone who wanted to take her places. Someone who seemed interested in her and how her day had gone. This was what normal people had, wasn't it? Someone who was there, someone who listened and someone who cared? This could possibly be the chance for Sang to be normal; to put aside her fears and anxiousness. To finally live her life, just the same as any other student. Only Sang wasn't just any other student.

Sang smiled at James and set her finger upon her lip in thought, then removed it after a few seconds. "James, I like you. As a friend. I like the fun things we do together. Being your girlfriend makes it more serious. I'm not ready for that. Can't we just enjoy us; the way we are now?"

James stood taller and moved a step closer to Sang. "Being my girlfriend is just a way that I can protect you from all those other guys who constantly try to hit on you. How many times have we been out, baby, where some ass has tried to come on to you? If you're mine, no one will bother you again, baby, I promise." His dark brown eyes seemed to be pleading.

Before Sang could reply, James continued, "We'll take it slow, baby, real slow. I won't let anything bad happen to you, baby. Never."

Sang inclined her head slightly. "Friends, James. We are friends foremost. I'm not going to be pressured into anything I'm not ready for; is that clear?"

"Sure, baby, anything you say." James was grinning. "Come here, baby." James pulled Sang into an embrace. He nestled his head on top of Sang's, breathing in the smell of her hair.

"Slowly, James. I said slowly," Sang reminded him.

"Mmmm...." James answered vaguely. His mind was elsewhere, lost in the thought of paradise.

How had she let James persuade her to become his girlfriend? How? If she had just held firm, then she wouldn't be in turmoil now. Where was the determined and decisive person that Sang had once known? She was just a myth, a figment of her imagination. The thought pressed to the forefront of her mind, as she sat in the coffee shop. How long had she been here? The smell of a fresh mocha cortado invaded her nostrils. She didn't remember ordering another one. Sang lifted the cup to her lips and took a soothing sip. A song began to play on the radio. Setting the cup back down, Sang looked out the window and noticed that the rain had started to clear.

I can't fight this feeling any longer

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship, has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever

I said there is no reason for my fear

Cause I feel so secure when we're together

You give my life direction

You make everything so clear

And even as I wander

I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window

On a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

The outline of a slim figure, with their back to Sang, was leaning against the window, just to the side of her line of sight. His shoulders were hunched, and his head hung in defeat. His rain sodden clothes clung to him, showing every trim, defined muscle within his slim physique. Short, deep brown hair touched the collar of his jacket. Sang gasped. He stayed! He was still here! He didn't leave! How long had he been there, standing in the rain? Uncaring about her coat, her bag or her unexplained cortado, Sang pushed the chair back abruptly. For the first time in her life, she didn't think. Her heart ruled her head and she hurried towards the coffee shop door.

"Miss. Your bag, your coat!" the barista called out.

Waving a dismissive hand towards him, Sang called out, "I'll be back."

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

I've been running round in circles in my mind

And it always seems that I'm following you, girl

Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

Dashing out onto the pavement, Sang took a deep breath as she turned towards the figure; or rather, where he should have been.

He was gone.

Grief gripped its fingers around Sang's heart. Walking to where he had stood, she placed a hand against the coffee shop window. He had touched this; he had been real. He had been here, and her foolish head had let him go. She felt her legs sinking towards the pavement.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

The last chorus of the song drifted through the coffee shop door, which was still ajar.

Its lyrics taunted Sang as she remained on the pavement, uncaring and unloved.