a compilation of my thoughts.

II

There are things in this world that are difficult to explain, such as why people feel the urge to kill others. There are things that are so unexplainably wrong, yet we may never understand them.

Sometimes, there aren't any words to describe things.

I have had a hard time with depression over this past year or so. There have been multiple occasions when I just really didn't want to be here anymore.

To make it simpler, I have wanted to kill myself before. Three times. I never tried to. But I wanted to. Everytime I had these thoughts I would hold my left wrist with my right hand. I didn't realize it at the time, but everytime I touch my wrist the same way, I remember those times. Those dark times. I had to save myself from actually doing it everytime. I've never told anyone about these times. I'm too afraid that they will treat me like I'm some sort of crazy person.

Depression is a monster.

All mental illnesses are monsters.

Mental illnesses are considered to be chemical imbalances in your brain, which sucks because that means you are your worst enemy.

Mental illnesses come in all shapes and sizes. Some are worse than others. Some are easier to fix than others. But in the end, we all struggle.

Things like depression are so hard to overcome. It's like being a mouse trying to fight against 50 cats. They say it gets easier. Which it does. But it definitely gets worse before it gets better.