Swiss Army Kiss

The First Sabotage

Hamish logged into his dating website, which he had been configuring for the entirety of the night. His evil plot was leaking out of his keyboard as he tapped away.

After finishing the final bit of coding, Hamish had managed to set up the website so that he was the true master of it! Hamish wasn't just the creator, but he could monitor all of the dates going on and was notified by email when a date was and exactly where each one was to take place. It was a night well spent.

On that very day, he released the website as an app, which he named 'Duo Love'. He couldn't wait to share his sneaky plot with the unaware, innocent world of single people out there looking for love. He hoped to take over in the dating industry and couldn't wait to sabotage a date! And then he'd lash onto the female lovers like a kingfisher onto its prey. Hamish was a bee in a classroom that couldn't be seen amongst the crowd of the class.

Miraculously, as Hamish threw his hands over his ornaments, potions shot up in the air. The decking of his walls was wobbling and quaking as he pulled out an old dagger he hadn't seen for a while. Hamish had been very blood thirsty.

Hacking into his morning round of a soft bacon sandwich (with buttered bread and brown sauce), Hamish heard his phone wail for a while before he picked it out of his pocket and put it up to his left ear. His earwax dripped down the screen and he chewed some more of his monstrous bacon sandwich with flabby parts and bits of bacon that clearly weren't actually cooked.

'Hello Duo Love creator, there is a date set up on your website.' The noise came from the automated voice system.

Hamish shrieked with utter joy! So much so that he spat out his sandwich and murdered a glass figure that did stand on his creaking cabinet. He thought that he was going to get notified by email, but that didn't really matter. Besides, this was the voice of the sabotage. And Hamish hoped to become robotic in the way he would do his new job.

As soon as his legs carried him to his laptop, Hamish wiggled the mouse and he found out where the first date was going to take place as well as where it was going to be. The information was as follows:

Orchard Church Hall,
One hundred and one Maple Street.
Fifteenth of March at half five in the afternoon.

A date in a Church? Even better, thought Hamish, who had always wanted to prove that he was Satan. Even better still, this date was today!

A walkway full of thickets and dangling leaves were before Hamish as he had almost completed his ramble to the church hall. This was another good thing about having a pocket knife he thought, as he wretched his arms through the sticky bushes. Nothing could get away with falling into his pathway.

Through the see - through patio door of the hall, Hamish had the view of the innocent couple. 'I'm so nervous,' he heard the man say.

Before the man's date could reply, Hamish bellowed his breath onto her throat and he cuddled her neck with a squeeze. She fell down to the ground asleep as the Vicar gasped. The blade of Hamish's pocket knife was sticking in her mouth. She slept through the bleeding of her tonsils and Hamish leapt up with success around his frozen surroundings.