No Diggity

Sometimes I think about life, and then I get mad. Life is just a four letter word. Why not five letters? Or three? Geez, make up your minds, word makers. All I ever do in life is board, man. My name is Tessa Jones and I am a professional skateboarder. All I ever do is board, man. I love doing tricks and hanging out with my best friends, Bam Margera, or Johnny Knoxville or maybe Rebecca Lancaster. The thing about Rebecca is she is a lame nerd, she doesn't do anything cool. In fact, I can't remember one time she was as diggity as me, know what I'm saying? She's not as diggity as us cool kids. I don't even know why she's famous.

I look over and see my friends doing some sick skateboard tricks. Rebecca is doing three backflips and juggling chainsaws that are on fire. What a nerd. She doesn't do anything interesting. Bam and Johnny were sitting at a picnic table, drinking Mountain Dew. Oh man! That's a cool crowd! I run over and join my friends, grabbing a Mountain Dew on the way. I sit down and open it with my fingernails, snapping one in half. "That's some lame diggity," I say to myself, looking at my nail.

"There's a killer on the loose," Johnny says. "Some say he killed someone."

"No way!" Bam exclaimed. "You're straight up joshing us, huh?"

"Yes way. The cops can't catch him. Legend has it he's looking for professional skateboarders to kill."

"But... that's us," I whispered, realization dawning on me. Oh snap! A killer on the loose, looking for people like us. Oh no. Well, if we see the killer, we'll throw Rebecca at him first, that way we have time to escape and ride or die.

"I know it's us, dummy!" Johnny screamed at me. "What are we gonna do?!"

"We have to leave the country," Bam said. Rebecca walked over, dropping the chainsaws on some nearby children. She sat at the picnic table with us, a confused look on her face.

"We can't leave. Remember, we burned our passports. We can't get new ones for some reason," Rebecca said.

"I suggest we go to Italy!" I said. Suddenly it felt as if my face was on fire, and I wondered why. Then I realized I had just gotten punched in the face. By who? I gasped and stood up and started screaming. "The killer just punched me! Someone help!" But then again I

was punched again, this time I fell on the ground, screaming and crying. "The killer's gonna kill me, somebody do something!"

"Tessa SHUT UP! THE KILLER IS NOT HERE!" Rebecca screamed. I stopped immediately and got up and sat down at my spot on the picnic table.

"Oh," I said. "Who fricken punched me? You lame nerds are really not diggity today. Like, no offense or anything."

"I punched you," some voice I did not recognize said. We all turned around to see Morgan Freeman walking towards us, some funky music playing. He reached us and sat down. "It's Morgan Freeman, and I'm the Killer Hunter."

"Oh my God! Morgan Freeman is gonna save us all!" Bam cheered.

"Yes I am," Morgan said.

"That's so diggity!" I said.

I felt myself get punched again. "Stop saying the word 'diggity' or I'll kill you," Morgan said and then his eyes went wide, "I mean, hug you!"

"Diggity!" I said again and Morgan Freeman hugged me. A little too tight, if I do must say so for myself I said. "Thanks Morgan Freeman, you're a real pal. I love you so much." Tears fell from my eyeballs onto my cheeks and then ran onto my lips and then fell off my face to the ground, where they gave the grass nourishment and life. Flowers started sprouting from where my tears fell.

Morgan looked at the flowers growing in the grass. "You know, I once read an ancient book about how one day there would be a professional skateboarder with powers that could end the world, or save the world. That's weird."