Kill or Tell

.viii.

[Oi! Oi, you! Silent readers! I would just like to express how much I would appreciate votes and/or comments. It makes my day every time someone comments in my books. (Thank you Chap.) But either way, ignore this if you want. Enjoy! (I hope)]

When I see Cassidy after Church on Sunday, I'm shocked to see her speaking to Freddie again, as if she hadn't completely forgotten about him once Lem had died. Walking over, a smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I watch my two best friends seemingly get along.

And then, of course, Cassidy starts screaming at Freddie, and Freddie starts screaming back.

Slouching, I lose the beginnings of my smile, instead bequeathed with the beginnings of a headache.

"I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!" Cassidy shrieks, stomping the ground like a two year old.

"YOU COULD'VE KILLED HER!" bellows Freddie, whom stays quite composed for someone verbally having it out with someone in the blackened, ashy ruins of the demolished park.

"NOTHING HAPPENED!"

"THANKFULLY!"

"I TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD STOP IT!"

"YOU KNOW SHE'D NEVER SAY NO TO YOU!" Freddie breaks his composure to stressfully run his hands through his hair. I frown, not wanting to agree, but unable to disagree.

Cassidy purses her lips, her eyes flashing. She takes a deep, rattling breath. "But Winifred," she coos, a disturbingly unhinged smile slicing across her face as Freddie cringes. She leans in, whispering something inaudible to me into Freddie's ear. Closing his beautiful eyes, he nods, looking distressed, yet utterly defeated.

Cassidy steps back from my boyfriend, and I take this as a cue to make my presence known to them - not like I was hiding or anything, they just haven't noticed me yet.

"Hey, friends," I try to say nonchalantly, failing miserably as my voice rises. The two tense, turning in my direction as I awkwardly clear my throat. I nod at the ground. "'S a bit... ashy today, isn't it?"

"Quite," Cassidy says, voice only a bit less sharp than before.

Freddie, however, forces a smile on his gaunt, weary face. "Today's forecast, sunny with a chance of ash."

I laugh - not because the joke's funny, but because it isn't.

My laughter sure sounds lonely when it's just me laughing.

*******
I'm walking to Freddie's to study without Cassidy - she hates studying, and she never needs to, anyway. My arms swing loosely at my sides, aching for something to do. My gait is a bit too bouncy; my smile a bit too tight, but I don't dare falter.

Freddie shouldn't ever have to worry about me. My problems are nothing compared to his and Cassidy's. All I have are divorced parents, an uncomfortable home life, and a dead friend.

They all have so much more weight in their shoulders, therefore I try too refrain from adding on to the steadily growing amount.

My entire act, however, crumbles to pieces the minute Freddie brings up Lem.

"So, Thursday's the anniversary - of Lem, I mean." Freddie scratches at his head, and when I peer up at his face, I'm not surprised to see his eyes go glassy with tears unshed.

I nod mechanically.

"And, well, I... I thought we could, I dunno, go to his grave after school and..." Freddie trails off, looking utterly lost.

"Pay our respects?" I finish, and he takes hold of my right hand.

"Yeah."

We continue on in silence for a while as I fight to keep the tears back.

"Is Cassidy coming with us?" I ask, breaking the sorrowful silence that seems to hang around us in a suffocating cloud. Freddie's brow furrows.

Inhale. Hold.

"Beni, about Cassidy..." He pauses, eyes uncertain and wavering. "Did she...?"

Exhale. As I let go of the breath I'd been holding I let loose a slew of unseparated words. "SeeCassidytookmetotheparkandshetookoutthematchesandIdidn'tknowwhattodosoIjustletherdropthemandsheenjoyedwatchingitdestroyeverythingand...." I take a breath, not really worried about Freddie's ability to understand me. "I... I think Cassidy's hurting." I look up at Freddie, eyes watering as everything crashes over my head once again.

"Hurting." The way Freddie says it, it's no question, but still, I find myself nodding in affirmation.

"She misses him, Freddie," I say, biting my lip. "She misses him so much, she's breaking."

Freddie's gaze is level as he bends down to wrap me in a hug. "I think she's already broken, Beni," Freddie whispers into my ear, voice so wrought with melancholy that it rolls around in my head, pinballing as it repeats over and over.

Something tells me that Freddie doesn't want to let me go - let me keep Cassidy's company, but he knows exactly what would happen if he tried something like that.

He knows I would be so divided between them that I'd split apart like a paper doll, so he says nothing and puts me back down gently - treating me like the fragile thing I am.