Nothing feels any different.
It's exactly the same girl who stands on Kayla's doorstep on a Saturday morning, waiting to go out of for the day. It's the same smile when they play music on the way to Riley's. It's the same laugh when they play stupid party games. It's the same hand in hers as she needs a boost onto the rooftop. Everything is exactly the same—but it feels like Kayla has had her heart carved out with a spoon and watches it in front of her every day.
I think it's for the best.
It's seeing her sat two places to the left in AP Chem—the new girl, the girl with brown skin and a bright smile, with so many piercings in her ears—it's knowing that this is someone who doesn't know the blur of Kayla's past, of the things she's said, of the things she's done, and its whispering to the person who sits next to her what New Girl's name is. It's Zara, and it's the beginning.
Things feel different.
It's approaching her in the hallways between classes, books clutched to her chest, trying to steady the pounding of her heart. Kayla doesn't get flustered, she thought she'd done very cool, calm and collected, but this isn't the same as blagging her way out of a Math test because she hadn't bothered to study. It's watching the way that she smiles at her, a friendly face in a sea of people gaping at the sight of someone new. It's making plans to hang out. It's walking to her new class with a bounce in her step.
I think it's me.
It's an awkward first date wherein Kayla snorts lemonade out of her nose when laughing too hard—stumbling over words she'd practised in the mirror, it's being fascinated with the way that Zara's face glows beneath the sunlight. It's an awkward first date that turns into a kiss at the end of the night—of soft lips beneath hers, of a pounding in her chest, tasting the candyfloss on the tip of her tongue, of holding onto soft hips and clammy skin—it's something with the promise of being something more.
I don't love you any less.
It's not weird being in a relationship, it feels exactly the same as it had done when Zara was only her friend. But now it's something more. It's holding hands, it's staying up late to watch bad movies and laughing when either of them try to do impressions, it's Kayla pausing in the moment to stop and stare when Zara laughs, it's leaning in for a kiss that she knows she'll get lost in. It's watching her lie on Kayla's bed, and kissing her deeper into the covers. It's slowly shedding layers of clothing until it's just them in a moment that seems to last forever. It's the thing that bubbles up in Kayla's chest when she watches Zara's face as she comes, as she watches what she's done to a girl she's falling in love with.
But it's not working.
It's shaking hands as Zara pulls up outside. It's Kayla releasing a jittery laugh in the midst of her nerves. It's saying I Love You in a breath that took up all of the space in her lungs. It's the look on Zara's face when she hears the words—the way her face changes into a smile so big—it's knowing that the feeling is reciprocated. It's Kayla knowing she was worrying about it for nothing. It's knowing that she's never felt this way about anyone in her entire life.
We can still be friends.
It's getting into Zara's car and going to the other side of town. It's spending the day in a field with the girl she loves. It's watching as her face lights up as they spend time together. It's watching the sunset. It's when Zara asks her to stay in the car as they pull up outside of Kayla's house again. It's Zara's face shutting down and walls going up where they'd never been before. It's words that make Kayla freeze all over. It's knowing there is a time limit until the tears come onto the surface. It's slamming the car door and retreating.
Nothing will feel any different.
It's sharing the same group of friends. It's not really being given the chance to get over how her heart has been broken. It's knowing that things won't really change. It's nothing feeling any different when they lock eyes with each other. It's that everything feels different now that they're no longer together.
[a/n]: happy endings? i don't know her. kayla is from daisy chains, a wip i deleted months back. i haven't written anything in about two weeks but the stranger things soundtrack was released today and i managed to write 770 words so there's that. maybe the next one will be happier?? i might do skylar and that will be straight up fluff
