The Phoenix Awakens (Book One) (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Thirteen

I press my back against the wall of my bedroom and slide down to the floor, my face devoid of emotion. Dried blood coats my shirt and I rip it off, crossing my hands over my dark, navy blue camisole. His blood. It's his blood on your hands Fieria. My mind won't let me forget. I pull out my phone and stare at my reflection in the shiny, black surface. My face is streaked with tears that no longer fall. Beads of sweat sit on the tips of my eyebrows and on the sides of my face, matting my hair down. I brush the straggly strands out of my eyes and tuck them behind my ear. Dirt clings to my face, I swipe at it with my thumb unenthusiastically. I felt disconnected. Disconnected from the world, the people, and mostly from myself. The world kept moving around me while I sat there weary and bleary eyed.

Elise walks into my room, knocking on the doorframe. I bring my eyes up to hers and she smiles pitifully. I look down at my hands. I didn't want pity, I wanted revenge. I wanted to show Collette what it felt like to be on the other side of the knife, the other side of the gun. I would show her what real pain felt like and I would enjoy the sounds of her screams. Elise sits down in front of me, dragging me out of my vindictive thoughts. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is. I knew something was wrong. He said he'd be back by this morning. When he wasn't here I knew something was wrong yet I told myself to forget about it and instead went for a run," I begin to raise my voice angrily. "A run! I could have helped him!"

Elise's hands close over mine, "What could you have done? You had no idea where he was or what he was doing."

"He was probably going to Naterina. I could have found him."

"And then what?" She questions annoyed. "Just march right into Catatil waving a picture of him everywhere. Or have you forgotten that you are both Wielders and Naterina is a place that destroys our kind. You are a fugitive, you could have suffered the same fate as him."

"I deserve it! I brought on this mess, I deserve to suffer not you!" My eyes water and I gaze up at her pleadingly. "She's taking away what I love until I have nothing to care for, just like her." I inhale sharply, my breath catching in my throat. "I can't lose you too."

"You won't. I can take care of myself. We all knew the risks of doing what we do," she pats my hands. "Everyone is here because they want to be and because they care for you."

I push off the ground and prowl over to the window. Sitting down on the ledge, I hug my knees to my chest and stare out the window. Tears fall silently from my eyes, dripping onto my knees. "But that's the problem. Love," I murmur, "When you love something or someone there will always be a way to get to you. The only way to protect those you love is to detach yourselves from everything that has a place in your heart." I close my eyes, suppressing the tears. "She will rip everyone I love away from me, I can't let that happen. Love has no place in war and I don't deserve it from anyone."

Elise flops onto the cushion across from me. "Love is what makes the battle worth fighting. Love gives a meaning to the world, a purpose that you can't find anywhere else. Yes, love comes with pain, but so does so many other things. If you never took a chance with it, you'd never realize how vital it is." She sighs, "You wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for all the love in your heart. You want to make the world right and fair. You want to respect everyones life and not hurt a soul. You'd rather sacrifice yourself than watch someone you barely know get hurt. That is why people would follow you anywhere."

I shake my head, "People are getting hurt because of me. It's my fault. I need to go if I stay more people will be hurt. Look what happened to him." I start walking towards the door, my eyes on the ground.

She wraps her fingers around my wrists, halting me in place. "More people will die if you go. You say you want to stop people from dying right?" I nod and she continues. "Then finish. This. Fight."

"I will stay if you promise me one thing," I whisper and she leans closer curiously. "Don't die. I wouldn't be able to go on if you left."

She sniggers, "I promise."

I exhale and fall forward onto my bed, my head crashing into the pillows. The moment I close my eyes I see his bloodied and bruised face once more. Anger fuels me again and my mind drifts back to my plot for vengeance. I was right the first time, I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy the sight of her blood splattering across the floor. The sound of her screams bouncing off the walls. She'd beg for me to kill her, to finish her, to inflict that final blow. But I wouldn't do it. I'd make her pay for all she has caused. I'd create a wound on her for every person she hurt and if that wasn't good enough, I'd inflict as many wounds as she has given her victims. I breathe in shakily and shiver, his voice echoes through my head. I'm sorry. I think with it. I am so, so, sorry. My eyes narrow and I swallow the scream threatening to explode. She would go down, and she'd go down knowing one thing.

It's an eye for an eye in this world and she already has hers.

Now it's my turn, and I intend to collect.