Forgetting Love (Dublin Sisters #2.5)

Chapter 21

His body ached.

His head was throbbing.

He felt heavy.

He wasn't able to move. He rolled on his stomach and his hoarse voice muffled against the pillow, "Sammy---"

There was stillness. Quietness.

His eyebrows knotted and he rubbed his sore nose against the softness of the pillow. One eyelid lifted and he scanned his surroundings. The apartment was awfully silent. His mouth opened to call out his wife but immediately he clamped it shut as realization dawned.

She left him.

He was alone. All alone.

A groan left his lips and he buried his face in the pillow. It had been a day since she left but it was an improbable reality. Never in their decade old marriage had Samreen left him when she was angry. They had always been able to resolve their issues. His hands pressing on the mattress, he pushed himself off the pillow and sitting up.

Clumsily walking on quaking legs, he made his way in the toilet. Splashing icy cold water on his face, he heaved and glanced up at the mirror above the sink. The knuckles turned white as they gripped the edge of the sink tightly.

The blood on his face had dried with red patches around his nose and lips. His face had turned black and blue. He couldn't go to work like this. He had to take a couple of days off until his face was somewhat presentable.

Shutting his eyes, he stepped in the shower and let the warmth of the water ease the throbbing muscles of his body. Time passed and he stood under the shower unable to move. His heart softened under the hot water and he did what he had not done for a long time. He performed his ghusl (purity bath in Islam).

Switching off the shower, his mouth opened to call out to her again for a towel. But his lips sealed again. She wasn't there anymore to give him a towel. His chest rose and fell in agitation and went out to grab a towel himself.

Once dressed, he stood in front of his Lord facing the Qiblah (direction of Grand Mosque in Makkah) and prayed the delayed Fajr prayer. He was ashamed he was praying the Fajr prayer after many days and that too not on time.

Crossed legged sitting on the prayer mat after the prayer, he dwelled upon the last few months. What had gotten into him? How had he let this go out of hand so much? Why didn't Sammy scream at him and make him stop? But he couldn't blame her, he ignored her tantrums every time she expressed her frustration.

He was ashamed. Deeply ashamed.

How will he face Nouman again? He never meant to do what happened yesterday. His mind had been clouded with a lustful drive. He had never thought of Aileen in such a light before and he would never do in future he knew that well.

But most of all, how will he apologize to his wife? His eyes wandered to the prayer mat's intricate design of the Oriental embroidery. He would make himself worthy of her. He would change for her.

Her words haunted back, "Did you once think that Allah is watching? He is the Al-Basir – the all-seeing. Your sinful act is not hidden from Him. Have some fear Faraz. Fear of Allah."

He had to change for himself. He had to repent to Allah. Would Allah forgive him? Deep down, he accepted this was zina (fornication) and he had been indulging in sin after sin. But yes, Allah would forgive him. He was Al-Ghafoor (the great forgiver) and other words of his wife flashed back how she used to read out loud the meaning of the Quran verses at the start of their marriage...