I only act like I know everything | ROMANOGERS/CAPTASHA

I only act like I know everything

I only act like I know everything, Rogers. So clearly I remember the time I said that. It was one of those rare times, when I spoke the truth.
There are lots of things I still have to figure out, but above all of those there's that one special thing, a feeling I'm not used to, a feeling that makes my knees, a feeling that I haven't felt until I met him. Captain America. Honorable and loyal. America's favorite superhero.
And me, Black Widow, born in Russia and raised to kill can't even look at him without forgeting the world around us.
Most of women would call that love, but love is for children and Black Widow is no child.
But still, is it such a sin to feel dizzy just listening to him and melting away when he smiles?
Stop, I say to myself and after a few hours of thinking I finally drift off to sleep, but today's mission-gone-wrong doesn't let me sleep. The images of corpes, whose life ended too early, because of me, and their friends and family sobbing on top of them haunt me until I get up and run off to the roof.
I'm thinking about it again. The suicide. It would be so easy. One jump and everything would be behind me. Before I realize what I'm doing, my leg steps on the railing. And another. I firmly grap onto the cold metal, close my eyes and start counting to three.
"One..." I take a deep breath.
"Two..." My left arm leaves the railing.
"Three..." I get ready to fly, but just in the moment, when I let go, I hear somebody shouting my name and grab on to the roof at the last moment. I secretly thank Red Room for teaching me that skill as I start climbing up.
Steve shows up a moment later and helps me get up. He cups my face and forces me to look into his tear filled eyes. "What were you thinking Nat?!" I can't handle it anymore. I burst into tears and collaps onto the floor. Steve kneels beside me. "Nat... You could've died," he says, but his voice breaks in the middle of a sentence and tears run down his cheeks. "You could've died," he repeats with a shaking voice and starts sobbing. "Why... Why would you do this?"
I wipe the tears away and look directly to his eyes. "I can't take this anymore, Steve. Thousand of innocent people died because of me. I can't take that burden. I can't." A single tear runs down my cheek, but this time, he's the one, who wipes it away.
"You're right, you can't," he says and pulls his hand away from my face. "But we can. You're not alone Natasha. You have me and you alway will."
I don't think about it. I lean in and press my lips to his and he returns the kiss, wrapping his hands around me, pulling me closer. The kiss is soft and gentle and it's all that I need to know that right now, right here on the roof, I'm home.
I only act like I know everything, Rogers. But if there's one thing, I'm completely sure about, is that I love you.