Sparks Fly: A Kaylor Love Story

Chapter 10: Selena's Advice

"What's up Tay?" Selena asked as Taylor got into the car. Taylor sat silently for a few seconds, wondering how to proceed, as Selena began to drive.

"You remember what you said to me at the mall on Tuesday?" Taylor said, staring ahead out of the windscreen. 

"Oh... uh... yeah, I'm really sorry. That wasn't cool of me, I just..." Selena began.

"When you asked if I had something I wanted to tell you, did you really mean 'do you like girls'?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah... but it wasn't appropriate of me to ask you that. I'm really sorry." Selena said.

"I kissed Karlie." Taylor said. It felt as though she'd just dropped an atomic bomb. She turned to look at Selena, who was staring at her with wide eyes.

"You have my attention." Selena said, her voice calm from the shock of what Taylor had just told her.

Taylor told her the whole story, beginning with the dream. She told Selena how confused she'd felt, both before and after the dream, how she hadn't been able to shake it off, no matter how hard she'd tried. She told her how the thoughts of Karlie had ultimately culminated in a make out session on Taylor's couch. She described how she'd tried to work out whether or not the kisses meant anything, and how she'd ultimately decided to tell Karlie that she only wanted to be friends, and that the kisses didn't mean anything.

"That was a lie though, wasn't it. The kisses did mean something." Selena said.

"Yeah..." Taylor said. "Wait, how do you know?"

"Tay, we've been friends forever. I know when you're not being honest. Besides, you sounded a little too sad about the prospect of just being friends with her." Selena said, smiling a little. Taylor smiled back. At least Selena didn't seem to be freaking out.

They pulled into the school parking lot, which was deserted due to it being a Saturday.

"So" Selena said, after a long silence "does this mean you're gay?"

"I don't know." Taylor said. "I think at the moment it just means I'm confused. I have no idea what to do."

"Do you have feelings for Karlie?" Selena asked.

"I suppose so. I don't know. It could just be good old fashioned adolescent confusion." Taylor replied.

"Why don't you tell her you were wrong, and that you think you might like her?" Selena asked.

"Because I just can't." Taylor said emphatically.  "I think I toyed with her emotions already by lying. I can't tell her I might like her. What if I'm over it in a month? What if she's mad that I lied and it ruins our friendship? I can't tell her I like her until I'm sure I like her. Hell, I'm not even sure I actually like girls."

"Realistically you only have two options." Selena said. "You can either continue as things are now, and try to just be friends, or you can tell her you might have feelings for her."

"I can't tell her." Taylor said "At least not right now. I need to work this out before I even consider that as an option."

"Then I guess all you can do is try to just be friends with her." Selena said.

"But that could be awkward." Taylor replied.

"Not if you don't let it be." Selena said. "Look, you said that she seemed to be into the kissing, and that she seemed a little disappointed when you said you just wanted to be friends. I can't imagine she's going to drop you as a friend over this."

Taylor pondered this silently for a minute.

"I'll wait a few weeks and see how I feel about things. If I still have these feelings by then I'll talk to her." Taylor said.

"Sounds fair enough to me." Selena said.

"I just... I'm not sure enough about any of this to think that trying to date a girl is a good idea. This isn't something I want to jump into." Taylor said in an attempt to justify her decision.

"That makes sense." Selena replied.

"You don't... you don't think any less of me do you?" Taylor asked.

"For deciding not to rush into something like this?" Selena asked.

"For any of it." Taylor said. "For the fact I'm even having these thoughts about a girl in the first place."

Selena put her arms around Taylor. "Oh honey, no. I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi, or even a goddamn unicorn. You're still my best friend and I'm here for you no matter what." She reassured her. Tears began to well up in Taylor's eyes as she hugged back. She was glad that she had a best friend like Selena to help her through such a confusing time.