Brave Enough (Pearlmethyst)

Polaroid

Amethyst's perspective
Over the next few weeks, I remain strapped in tightly to this rollercoaster known as love. I am constantly in a state of wonderment, always in question of the thoughts behind Pearl's actions, and whether they are proof that she sees me as not anything more than a friend, or knows of my feelings for her.
One day, she brought me a rose she found. I was over the moon, and was fascinated by it for hours. I counted the petals, and was divided on why she gave it to me.
Was I deluded by how I felt about her? Did she feel the same way?
I can never tell. Maybe I'll never know.
Dread stirs inside of me. I don't want to think about that.
Reality seems just a bit altered when you love someone as much as I do, the world seems to have just a bit more light and joyfulness in it, and every act seems to be performed out of love rather than mutual friendship. Love is everywhere, and strangely, despite not being a huge fan of sappy things, I feel it. I feel it in my beating heart, running through my veins. I'm stuck on this ride, always wondering where I'll end up next, and I am immersed in it. The very thought baffles me, yet fascinates me. It's all so incredibly strange, yet incredibly wonderful.

So, I decide to capture each moment, remove it from time to look back or reflect on later.
I use the camera Pearl gave me. I'm not the best photographer, but I'm getting better, and I love doing it.
I hang up the pictures I take out of pride, or just so I can look at them.
Garnet seems to approve. I caught her examining one of my photographs, and she gave me a simple thumbs-up when I told her about my hobby.

I'm on top of the world. I'm happy. The days don't drag by or spill into each other. I can capture my happiest moments, and look back on them.
However, a small part of me is still unsatisfied.
This part of me desperately needs to know how Pearl feels about me. To desperately want her to reciprocate my own feelings exactly.
I know this can never truly be. She won't love me the same way I love her.
I love her for her strength, and beauty. It seems beyond me that anyone could ever perceive me as strong or beautiful.
I am at a loss when it comes to the people I love. I hate how I can never tell how they really see me, what they think of me, and what role I play in their lives. For all I know, I could be a mere background character. Or a best friend, a sister, or even a mother. Every role except my desired one seems within my reach.
Or it's slowly slipping from my grasp.
I can't tell.
I'm happy, but this curiosity, thus burning need, gnaws away at my insides.
I know there's only one way to satisfy this desire.
I've got to either straight up ask Pearl how she feels about me, or tell her how I feel, and try to get a response.
I believe the first option is my best bet.
Even without my nervousness jumbled inside of me, it's still a risk. I could damage our friendship, or worse.
But for the sake of my true feelings, and this strange curiosity, it's a risk I am now willing to take.
I am brave enough to love out loud, to (metaphorically) shout to the world that I'm hopelessly in love with my best friend.