"It wasn't like that, y'know? I wanted to get to know you but you hated me so much. No, stop. I know you hated me. It was so fucking obvious. Don't tell me that you don't remember the things I said. The way I behaved. It was appalling...Anyway. I really liked you. I mean, I still do. I wished we could restart, but every time I tried you would just push me away like I was out of my mind. Which I was. I am. Then I met you again. I was truly myself. I only wrote what I felt. Genuinely. I told you how I felt. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Fuck, you don't even know that I lied to you. Babe, I lied to you. I gave myself a different name and slapped on a different identity. I know you must have sensed a similarity in the beginning. I was just being myself. Same favorite band, same movie taste. You hated both. Said the prior was too loud and angry, the latter too sappy and unrealistic. You questioned it, I know. I know. But you said nothing and the rest of it came so naturally. We were inseparable. You finally started texting me first. You finally showed interest. It broke and healed me at the same time. Why did I have to pretend to be someone else so I could be with you? Still, I hid that secret, and after a while it got easier. I almost forgot that I was someone else to you. But I'm telling you now because I-I love you. I am perpetually, painfully, sickeningly in love with you and I have to stop this. Before you even think that you might like me more than a little."
Somethin' somethin'
Honestly, I just have a bunch of drafts I wrote here and there. Thought I'd post them so they'd have a place instead of getting lost in my notes.
